Diving Into My Ocean

Journey to self

2011-02-21T14:57:00.003+05:00

Sometimes it felt that we have left behind ourselves so far that it is not worth an attempt to look back to find ourselves. The fear is that we would not be able to find a trace of our lost self and the desolate empty road would make our journey more depressing than it already is. The fear that time has constructed an impenetrable wall between the self that we lost and the hollow self we now possess stops us to try to search for our real being. The fear has stopped me to write because in my heart I know I can find myself through writing. Writing would lead me to trace my self that I had lost in the past. Writings would lead me to future where I will be able to find myself that I lost in the past. Past and future are meaningless if we know that our present is full and we are in equilibrium.

Originality: A rare trait

2010-07-06T23:16:00.010+05:00

It has been a wonderfully interesting day. I was part of the panel for taking interviews of students in a business school. I was looking for focused students who know what they want from life. I did not want those students who were pursuing the field because their parents want them to do so or because they didn't get enough marks to get admission in the field of their choice. I was also looking for the students who are aware what's happening in the world. At least I was expecting them to know who are the major players in the political, business and scientific worlds. I was also testing the students on world geography and to some extent world history. I found very few students who have been able to fulfill the criteria I had set them to get in. I was looking for highly ambitious, passionate, original and persistent students for selection. What I found that majority of the students were just following what their parents or environment has offered to them without trying to create their own world. I have to continue taking the interview all of this week and expect more bright students in upcoming days who would prove to be an exciting lot to teach in upcoming semester.

Secret of Success

2010-07-05T23:30:00.003+05:00

We all know the secret of success. This paradoxical statement is true. It is the secret because we look at the successful people with awe but we all know for success what we need to do. The secret lies in discipline yourself so that we have a control over our impulses and vagaries of heart. How to make oneself bound with the tedious tasks for achieving a challenging goal. The details require perseverance because even if we have understood the conceptual framework and design the contours of overall plan it is meaningless until details are not acted upon. The change does come, the seasons do change, the plants do grow, the ideas do become reality but after following a routine. We human beings know the secret of success that is "to discipline ourselves" but the attraction of getting instant gratification is too powerful for us to resist and we give in to the temptation of relishing what our heart wants instantly. Of course here I do not mean not to have fun or enjoyment, what I mean is not to leave the task which needs to be done at that moment because than the path to success will be lost, however if you do stick to the task, no matter how much you have to drag yourself to complete the task, you will have a sense of relief and fulfillment that can only be felt by successful people.

Making it happen!!

2010-07-01T12:19:00.011+05:00

I saw a dream in the wee hours of morning
Flying high in the sky speeding towards heaven
Not the heaven that exists beyond the terrestrial
My destination was the garden that was real
Nestled in the mountains whose summits were frozen
To be there and lost, my heart had chosen
I told you my dream and what my heart has desired
Lets be there and do whatever is required
My heart leaped abound that it may happen
I spent time with you in my fantastic heaven

Writing not talking.

2010-06-24T15:15:00.009+05:00

I will not talk and whatever I have to say I will write or in other words my fingers will do the talk through typing. It has been written by many writers that there is a connectivity between our brain and fingers and when we write its like emptying our cerebral glass on a sheet of paper so that we can get new ideas to think and act upon. I have also experienced the same thing. When I start to write and empty my mind of the existing thoughts by placing them on the piece of paper I feel as if I am turning intangibles into tangibles, a mass into something concrete. Something pushes me to keep writing once I start. What is that something, the pressure comes from where? I guess it is the unleashed power of words that forces the writer to write. Its like the flow of water, once the tap is opened each drop of water wants to come out, no stopping and what we see is the accumulation of written words. The flow of words cannot be left unguarded. You cannot leave them in the fuzzy state as they were in your mind. I guess the articulating attribute of writing makes it a creative process and once we are done we feel relieved as if a heavy burden is offloaded. We cannot jettison the burden' we have to place it with care as if we are putting a fragile flask on the table. I have talked so much and thrown away my words all around that I feel as if I have squandered my wealth without gaining any return on it. My mouth has to be shut and my brain has to learn to talk via writing more often than not.

2010-05-06T15:32:00.002+05:00

It was about to rain
what is left is just pain
all my hopes have gone in vain
all clouds vanished without rain

Why I kept my hopes so high?
I believed in you that's why
"You said, "No one knows you better than I"
I long for your company and you said good bye

My eyes are looking at the cloudless sky
Oh God give me wings so that I can fly
and only touch the ground and lie
Where I can always find you near by

Just relax!!

2010-02-13T06:48:00.002+05:00

Its early morning in Karachi and I can hear the chattering of birds. The sky has turned blue and the sun is about to rise. I slept for just 5 hours in the night and now I have to go to attend the official function at 8:30. I have to take bath, get ready and go. I want to come back by 2pm. I want to take rest, relax and enjoy. I love it.

Kuch khayal aya hai.....

2010-02-11T23:37:00.020+05:00

khushion ki talash main gham sehtay hain
Kaisi be wafa dunya main hum rehtay hain

paliya hai raaz un say dosti karnay ka
jo sunna chahtay hain woh hum kehtay hain

bhool gai woh hamain chalo koi baat nahin
hum konsay unki yaad main her dam rehtay hain

is khayal say hojata hai assan dushwar safar
manzil main bas ..do char qadam rehtay hain

jo ho but shikan dikhao torkay hamara dil
hamray dil main bhi hazar sanam rehtay hain

dil aisa ke ho jaisay regzaar e be aab
ab to aansoo bhi hamarayy be nam rehtay hain

aas, yaas, piyaas, woh ban gai sahme udas
us say mulaqat pay hum ik nazm kehtay hain

alfaaz key chunao main kahin der na hojay
jo dil ko lagay sach, hum aik dam kehtay hain

Beautiful Moment

2010-02-06T22:29:00.010+05:00

It was a beautiful moment when she clutched your hand tightly. Obviously she was scared and in pain and without hesitation she hold your hand to feel secure, protected and supported. You smiled at her gesture and let her hold your hand. Two hands together bound by trust. What made her reach your hand? You were not known to her for long yet she spontaneously got hold of your hand as if you were her best friend.The essence of the moment was believe in humanity. During that moment I found out two things.First you have a generous heart and second .......will tell you some other time.

Don't ask me "How much I love you?"

2009-09-11T15:48:00.000+06:00

When you ask me How much I love you....you put me in a difficult position
How could I sperate you from me and weigh the love I have for you
its like asking a living person how much breathing is worth for you
To know the real worth one has to stop breathing and then it becomes suffocating and brings death few breaths away
So when I try to evaluate my love for you
I have to see you as distinct from my self from my soul from my being
and then I feel stale, banal, insipid and mundane
How much I love you..can't tell but know one thing without your love oozing from my heart , I will be an arid zone- parched and barren.

Life

2009-08-20T18:23:00.002+06:00

It was not in my hand to cling to the past
the pull of the future was too much
I had to let it go, let it to slip away
It recedes to oblivion but it doesn't give up its sway
I am present in the present but my heart is in past
in my dreams I see things that didn't last
From the ruins of yesterdays I build today
Though I know I will move to another tomorrow someday
This is life temting, tormenting and transient
For my solace this understanding is sufficient

Strange dream

2009-08-07T13:43:00.004+06:00

In a dream I saw talking to someone saying that this earth is not the real earth and we are living in a specious planet on the periphery of the universe. Real earth is billions of light years away on the other side of the universe. Strange!!

It will come.....

2009-05-29T20:20:00.007+06:00

there around the corner...
when silence rules....
when you can hear the beat of your heart.......
when stars speak...
when air whispers...
when time stops moving...

you feel you are not alone
someone is there
someone with you
who shares these moments
who smiles at your beliwilderment
at your innocence

that some one is no one...but your love.

It will come...unannounced and take you away.

I want to be with me.

2008-11-26T00:23:00.011+05:00

Do me a favor, just leave me alone
to breath fresh air in a world of my own

Let me dwell in the silence of my heart
Where time doesn't exist and I am not apart

My soul is wounded, it needs a healing touch
Few quite moments,I am not asking for much

O desert, O river do attend my call
rocks,lakes,and sea I miss you all

Inevitable Change.

2008-11-25T00:34:00.012+05:00

Why am I pulled by the thoughts of past whenever I go to sleep? Why is it so that my past never stops following me? Why do I keep thinking about the cracks that existed in some of my important relationships? Why can't I overcome this? Losses, losses, losses when will the flow of losses cease? Why am I the slave of my impulses? Why I cannot rein my self? Why I keep always thinking that wrongs have been done to me? Why, why, why, why, why, why?????? Oh!! I feel overwhelmed but should I behave like this? No, and I know I shouldn't. I know all the answers but I don't want to admit it. All of my sharp edges have been exposed. The big task ahead. So much to do. I have to do. I will have to do. Oh, my world is changing. I have to accept it. Life is changing. I have led myself too far away, I have to find the road towards my destination. I know what to do. I will prevail. I will have to, I have no other choice. I shall return.

Milton Friedman and teaching.

2008-11-24T00:44:00.004+05:00

Today I watched the lectures, Q&A sessions and interviews of Milton Friedman on Youtube. If I say I was impressed by his knowledge, power of arguments and control it would be an understatement as Friedman was no ordinary person but one of the most influential economists of all times, proponent of free market economy, defender of capitalism as a necessary (not sufficient) system for development. He was lauded by many as a remarkable teacher and when I heard this I felt very good that being a teacher was not considered any less qualification than say economist. I know that teaching is a noble profession but through out my career as a teacher I have been asked pinching questions why I chose to become a teacher (thanks those who were asking these questions didn't question my volition for teaching profession) when I could otherwise had gone to join any MNC. Here I see the praise for Friedman as teacher and feel sky is the limit. What pulls me towards teaching is a continuous exchange of ideas in classrooms between students and teacher. What I like best is the interaction with hundreds of new students every year and making connection with them on the basis of knowledge. Understanding of each student to a level where he or she can understand the current theory and then challenge it in a way where I can see the student is applying his or her thinking skills. I try to keep it simple. When I say simple it means I want to communicate the crux of the theory in as simple way as possible and when theory is understood I try to give examples from the daily life or better I ask students to give examples from their own experiences. Even a joke is not out of the point if it helps in understanding the idea. Sometimes I start with examples and then give theory later on. The objective is to talk, communicate and reach to the students in a language that they understand. Teaching is intertwined with art of communication and at the heart of communication lies understanding of the audience and you cannot understand them until you get out of your own insecurities and you can get out of your own insecurities only if you know truly what you are talking about. Knowledge is power and it makes you humble as you know that being humble doesn't mean being weak and on the contrary being bullish or aggressive means something is lacking that you want to hide in the posture of being intimidating. If you can listen to the questions patiently that means you are giving your audience respect and you know you are confident to give the answer even sometimes the right answer may be " I don't know". I never heard Friedman saying " I don't know" ( he might have said it, but the videos I watched in that he never said" but what I heard was always a confident, in depth and passionate answer.

Self Talk..

2008-11-21T21:20:00.004+05:00

Ok, I know it has been a challenging and difficult time you are spending now days. So what!! It has to be in this way. After all you have enjoyed the luxury of following your dreams. So why blame your failures on those who have not been understanding towards you. Stop acting like a child. You know this is not a mature way to deal with the challenges you face, to sort out the mess you create. Why do you ask so much from those who love you? Don't put them in such a situation lest they start doubting your ability to tackle problems. This is life. Don't think that life was ever meant to be straightforward and predictable. It doesn't work this way. Take charge, be responsible and act.Hey Man!!! you know you have all the resources to stun the world with your success. Don't shy away from it!!

Forgive oneself.

2008-10-16T23:23:00.008+06:00

Let the past die or slip away
each moment as it passes, passes away
where does it survive? only in our memory
and we keep some moments alive by reliving it
the worst or best of the moments
we relive our tortures more often than our pleasures
why do we punish ourselves
we punish ourselves because we feel we have committed great sins
we become our own judge
we do not have mercy on ourselves and we keep punishing ourselves by reliving those moments when we felt betrayed, insulted, tortured, manipulated, forgotten, ignored, and then we say that it was all due to our sins , our faults, the human errs, why not leave the moments in the past and live the life anew
recreate oneself
love is the healer
forgive oneself and move ahead
live, feel the breath of life
and feel the birth of new moment each moment.

Feeling at home.

2008-10-11T22:36:00.005+06:00

Well, after spending five days in Karachi, I am back to Hyderabad. What a reception I got on my return, wow!! My two little princesses jumped in jubilation as they saw my entering home. I was exhilarated.In the night we all went for a walk. It was quite dark as the electricity was off due to load shedding. The southern sky was in front of us full of twinkling stars. We walked very slowly as our little princesses were with us taking small steps. Its quiet here and I am at home, physically as well as mentally.

An art to create beautiful relationships.

2008-09-27T01:42:00.000+06:00

A little care goes a long way in keeping the relationships vibrant. A little thought, a gesture, a beautiful word, an act of kindness, a compliment or a touch of understanding requires not much time but a sincere moment of thinking exclusively about the person who is important in your life. It is an art to create a beautiful relationship.

Cherish the moment

2008-09-06T22:16:00.004+06:00

Stop and let me breath
let me feel the moment
let me feel the life
why run away from the destination
lets fill each moment with exhilaration
I love life as it is now
don't entice me with the promises of grandeur
I am happy in my little world for sure
See there the sun is rising
its a miracle not an ordinary thing
every moment is in itself a life
cherish the moment cherish the life!!

Teaching in Karachi.

2008-08-18T21:28:00.003+06:00

It is the third week since my start of teaching in Karachi. My classes are on two days of the week and for that I commute from Hyderabad. It's hectic but exciting. My teaching at Hyderabad continues.

Common man.

2008-07-26T21:46:00.003+06:00

Faceless common man
lost in the humdrum
scorching sun above
sweating profusely
walking briskly
reaching home
drinking tea
playing with kids
eating calmly, sleeping deeply
next day
same cycle
one day
he is no more
no one notices his absence
life goes on.
Lucky guy he was.

Calm down.

2008-06-11T20:11:00.003+06:00

O my heart calm down
I caress you, calm down
I love you, calm down
it will pass too, calm down
think of good times we spent together
there will be better times, calm down
rest rest and relax, calm down
O my heart, calm down.

Chaos.

2008-05-29T14:05:00.006+05:00

The chaos all around, books and papers scattered in the room, noises children playing and later crying, heat and power failure, unfinished tasks and fractured relationships it seems that equilibrium is lost and I need to regain the sangfroid earnestly. How should I begun. Writing about all the mess around is the first step to bring my concentration back to the most important tasks needed to be done. Not many weeks ago I had written that I have found balance and poise but it all slipped way. Why did it happen and why did I let it happen? A small misstep and then not checking it in time lead to the astray. I have to pull it back, my inner calm.

Back to blogging.

2008-05-25T19:34:00.003+05:00

This has been the longest break from blogging as I was tied up in so many things tangible as well as intangible. My research on tourism went very well and I had a unique opportunity to interact with local people of Keenjhar Lake. I have to complete another research the completion of MS degree. Three kids and life is full of fun. I keep doing my jaunts in and around Hyderabad with family and take photographs. I am more into flickr now a days. These few lines are just to break a long hiatus on blogworld.

On Love and emotions.

2008-04-06T19:38:00.003+05:00

O words I don't believe you
You are nothing but a sound
what is a sound
a wave
propelled by emotion
I listen to emotions
I believe in emotions
words are meaningless

emotions have power
world devoid of emotions is dead
and relationship devoid of emotions is dead too
emotions reflect passion
the power to change
the power to destroy
the power to create
the power to conquer and the power to get conquered

Emotions I care for you
I cater you
I acknowledge you
I cherish emotions.
that' s why I love

only brave can love

because only brave can win

and only brave can endure the fall in the abyss of despair

because they know
"to love is to be vulnerable"
ani

Wait

2008-03-23T19:30:00.002+05:00

Hey

What your eyes speak to me

transcends every language

I know you like me

I will wait till you say

I love you.

Magic of touch

2008-03-20T11:55:00.009+05:00

Your hand brushes my hand
and leaves me with exuberance

I close my eyes as you go
and fly high to a dreamlike world

there I dance and dance
on the beat of love

for hours and hours I chase the star

that twinkles for me and smiles from far

I play with waves on a sandy beach
explore the world beyond everyone's reach

there is not an iota of pain
only pleasure and immutable gain

I was never alive so much
that is the magic of your touch

O time...Stop!

2008-03-20T00:02:00.003+05:00

O time
stop
don't run
i have just felt equilibrium
a string from my heart
touching the moon
and the moonlight engulfing my heart
stars whisper to me
space is an illusion
love abounds
I float
seeing the dream with open eyes
O time
stop
don't run
I have just felt equilibrium.

I am forgiving you.

2008-03-16T19:44:00.003+05:00

for bullying me

for exploiting me

for making fun of me
-----------------------

its a beautiful moon tonight and air is cool and i love life.

Flow of words.

2008-03-11T23:46:00.002+05:00

Breath, moment, feel, pain, pleasure, ache, back, weight, sound, itch, cold, wind, air, night, sound, click, tick, alive, aware, love, time, touch, focus, will, win, life, bubble, sky, color, rainbow, dance, dive, sand, sun, beach, waves, bare, splash, moon, night, stars, camp, silence, milky way, desert, morning, lake, boat, song, girl, eyes, hair, tea, talk, connect, story, legend, present, future, hike, walk, you, me.

New Arrival.

2008-02-29T18:22:00.005+05:00

On 9th February 2008 Allah blessed me with a son. Exactly 4 years ago on 9th February 2004 my father departed for his eternal journey. Now I have a male companion in a home where I used to be the only male member.

Setting the priorities right.

2008-01-31T09:17:00.000+05:00

Last night I saw in my dream that I found a diary of my deceased uncle. When I turned the page a note was written for me. It was written that by now you must have become a highly successful person in your career and established yourself. I thought that it was not so as I was still struggling. I read more and it was written that no matter what you achieve the real success is when you are fair, honest and a good human being. The emphasis of the message was not so much on gaining a high position in a career but on achieving high moral standards in life.

Chinook.: Where it leads me!!

2007-12-26T13:16:00.000+05:00

We come across new information and knowledge on daily basis while watching television, reading a book, chatting with a friend on internet or talking with people face to face but often the information is lost as we busy ourselves with the next activity. In each of the new information is the potential to become one's passion and destiny. If we trace the start of our hobbies, occupations, interests, likes, dislikes, ideas and desires we will find that some where some day we heard about our future interest, desires etc and then we build on that information and turned it into our interest and made it part of our personality. For example when I trace my interest in world geography I find that one of my friend in primary school once showed me the map of Africa on his journal and I was fascinated by the squared and rectangular shaped countries ( Ghana, Ivory Coast, Togo, Dahomey) as they looked very beautiful on the map. I asked my father to buy a globe for me. He was pleasantly surprised that I was asking for a globe and he happily brought a globe from his nest visit to Karachi. I started spending hours and hours to locate countries and then started reading about their culture and history. I wonder if I had not built on my interest in maps after seeing that colorful map of Africa in my friend's journal would I be able to develop my interest in history and culture of these countries scattered on maps.
All of these thoughts have given me an idea to pick any topic from our daily interactions and then find more about it and see where it would lead us. It may lead us to new interests, places or people and enrich our life in ways we never expected.

For this experiment I have picked up "Chinook" from the chat with my cousin who lives in Canada. He mentioned about Chinook that it blew last week and melted the snow quickly. I was amazed by the information that there could be hot winds in such a cold climate that melt the snow. I am building on this information and lets see where it leads me.

You.

2007-12-19T13:45:00.000+05:00

You are my imagination, you are my fascination
You are my fantasy, you are my reality.
You are my punching bag, you are my consoling pillow,
You are my teether, you are my soother
You are my lottery, you are my trophy
You are my Lolita, you are my Cinderella
You are my Gandri, You are my sundri.
You are my date, you are my fate.

Sustainable Tourism....seems interesting.

2007-12-10T23:12:00.000+05:00

So finally I am at the stage where I have to do my first Independent Study for my MS degree. I have started doing secondary research for my area of interest and it is Sustainable Tourism. In Sindh, what I have seen from my preliminary literature review, much has not been done in this area and I feel that if I do the research to find the potential and problems of ST it could become a seminal work for my PhD. ( I am right now thinking of terminating my studies at MS). The area on which I want to work is Nagar Parkar. It is a small town in the South East of Sindh surrounded by India from three sides. It has Karoonjhar Mountains in its back ground and scattered Jain temples on its plains. The local tourism potential is very high keeping in view the presence of natural and cultural tourist attractions. I have been to the area in 2000 and 2003 and have good local links there to pursue the research the only problem is that its more than 5 hours journey from Hyderabad. I want to work in this area but I am thinking to do my IS first in a near by area on the same topic and then if I things move in the same direction as I hope for than extend the research to cover Nagar Parkar for any funding organization. I am working for my research proposal and do want to get over it as soon as possible to actually start working on the research. It's going to be exciting but I have to keep a vigil on my habit of procrastination because this habit keeps popping its head too often.

Not my kind.

2007-11-19T19:05:00.000+05:00

I am sorry and would you please leave. Leave from my life as if you never existed. Don't get the impression that my smiling and behaving nicely towards you mean I want you back. No, I just want to give you a nice valediction. I have lost interest in you and I am moving forward. You are not my kind and thanks for letting me know this so early. Bye.

Udero Lal.

2007-11-15T18:41:00.000+05:00

After a long time I went to a visit to Udero Lal. Udero Lal is famous for the resting place of a saint " Udero Lal", who is respected by both Muslims and Hindus. It is the place where you will find mosque and temple side by side and both Hindus and Muslim devotees coming inside the tomb from the same door. As I stood there I thought that we should make known the sufi culture of Pakistan especially in Sindh and Punjab provinces where extremism doesn't exist and religious harmony prevails.

Home away.

2007-11-02T17:25:00.000+05:00

I am in Karachi since last few days and my stays in Karachi are getting prolonged. My classes are scheduled on Sundays too to cover up the loss of classes due to October 18 unrest and secondly I am working here on a feasibility to establish a business . I am missing my home.

Lost but not defeated.

2007-10-22T23:21:00.000+05:00

The taste of loss is not as bitter as I was anticipating. The fear of dreadful was killing me but dreadful failed to kill me. It is over and I have lost the battle. I fought till end and never quit. I am bruised and lost in oblivion. Licking wounds, empty handed and alone I reflect and say to myself never mind you followed your dream. I have nothing except my intact self esteem to challenge again the forces who think I am a history. The loss I endure is far more dear to me than the gains that tempt me to forsake my ideals. I am biting my time to reenter the arena.

Of Love and Insanity.

2007-10-13T00:02:00.000+05:00

I read a real life story titled "Of Love and Insanity" in the Bangladeshi newspaper The Daily Star. The story is of a young lower middle class guy who fell in love with a girl six years senior to him and belonging to an elite class. The common story is narrated poignantly. I especially like the comment of the writer about love. Here it is

"Stories in real life end in such prosaic ways that one wonders what is the meaning or purpose of all the heart-rending, foolish happiness and sufferings that precedes them. Why do we get entangled in the cobwebs of lunacy called love, when the endings are almost always so mundane?".

Yet we do fall in love, there is no escaping from it. I believe tribulations and elations experienced in love make one wiser not to fall in love again. Love brings pain and severely hampers the cerebral function and eventually brings a period of depression from which the sufferer recovers with phenomenal efforts and at great cost of time. Despite all the sufferings a lover must endure there is no point regretting the experience of love because not to fall in love is to live life too safely and insipidly. I do agree with the conclusion that the endings of love are mundane but without love the beginning and middle are mundane too. With love some part of life becomes exciting and even the mundane ending of love gives life something to reminisce. This isn't a bad deal, is it?

Doris Lessing wins Nobel Prize in Literature.

2007-10-11T20:53:00.000+05:00

Since last few years I am following the literary world with interest. I read literary blogs and book review sections of Guardian, New York Times and Dawn. The literary blogs I read with most interest are Chandrahas' The Middle Stage and Laila Lalami's blog. I was keenly waiting for this year winner of Nobel Prize in literature. The announcement has been made finally and its Dorris Lessing of England who has won the prize. Frankly I have never heard of her name before the announcement of her winning the prize so an internet search on her was inevitable. What I found was an 87 years old self taught writer who was born in Persia (Iran) in 1919 and spend most of her early phase of life in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe). Her childhood was of much pain and less pleasure and once she commented unhappy childhoods seem to produce fiction writers. Once she asked that what use are men and then answered herself, men had been introduced to "pep up" a slothful, lazy world of women. An interesting answer indeed. Though I believe that all women may not agree to the answer of Lessing. Will I be looking for her books to read? I am not sure. I will read more about her books and then decide if Ireally like to read her books. The most likely book that I will read is "The golden Notebook" as it is considered her best. She is the oldest Nobel Prize winner in Literature.

To a silver star.

2007-10-08T23:05:00.000+05:00

The flight was sudden and I found myself traveling millions of light years of distance in a flash. It was a silver star where I landed. I may have seen that star from my home in earth but in my wildest imagination I could not think of reaching that star. I am stunned by my presence on the lonely star far in the galaxy where I see nothing but silver dust and an entirely different composition of sky over me. I have been pulled out of my earthly home and thrown into a new world. The feeling of detachment from everything earthly gives me a feeling of uninvited calm and I feel so lonely that I long for the chaos and mess of the earthly life. Yet the calm all around me is settling on my heart and I feel my nerves relaxed and my senses sharpen.
What was the anxiety that disturbed me while I was on earth? The source of all of my anxiety was in my thoughts, the anxiety was of my own making. What I was fighting for and striving for? Why was I always tense and never allowed myself to detach from the web of mundane activities to create a heavenly calm. Here the silence is profound and I can listen the voice of my thoughts. The voice of my thoughts is good to listen and I regret why I never let silence to prevail there to listen to my thoughts.

I look over the sky and find millions of stars and wonder which one is my earth's star sun. Is it the one blinking on the far southern horizon or the one on the northern sky. I want to talk to the sun and tell it that I am missing its warmth and shine. As I see the sun lost among millions of stars I feel myself so insignificant because having a big powerful sun is what made us human beings think grand. It was so personal to have it as our daily companion that now as it is nothing but one of the millions of stars over there I understand we human being have been living in a state of self delusion. I think about the wars, killings, fights on earth, that earth whose existence is impossible to detect from here and with such spectaculars celestial bodies all around me it would be sheer stupidity to even think about such a wretched entity.

Then a question pops into my mind What has made the earth, sun and universe exist, what has made this silver star alive, relevant? The answer is" my thinking".It is in my mind where universe exists. With this realization I long for my earthly abode to see the rising sun and listen to my thoughts and to live without missing the calm that prevails there too. I can do that now I know.

Smile on your face.

2007-10-03T23:48:00.000+05:00

The heart floats on a bouncy sea
Or the sea of my heart is bouncy
I don't know where does the turmoil come from
What I do know is the calm that prevails
whenever I see the smile on your face

Anita Roddick.

2007-09-11T15:09:00.000+05:00

When I started my studies in Business Administration I came across Liberation Managment a book by Tom Peters. In one of the chapters he told the story of Anita Roddick, the founder of Body Shop. Simple, straightforward and passionate, Anita Roddick created a special place in my heart as the leader of business world. When I started teaching business subjects I often quoted Anita Roddick's passion for her work. Today I read the news of her death and felt deeply saddened. A great soul has left the world.

An oozing from heart.

2007-08-30T14:23:00.000+05:00

Sweetness oozes from heart and satiates my soul. Time stops and the moment envelops me and I become one with nature. My awe of the universe disppears as I stop seeing myself and acknowledge only the universe. The moon, stars, vast sky, cool breeze and I are nothing but manifestation of only one phenomenon. Love prevails and I float in the river of love all around me.

Resolve.

2007-08-29T11:45:00.000+05:00

When I am hurt by your words and I tell you that I am hurt, it hurts you and when you are hurt it further hurts me so I have decided not to tell you that I am hurt as I know you never intend to hurt me. In this way I will save myself from further getting hurt.

First time tagged.

2007-08-09T13:46:00.000+05:00

This is the first time I am tagged and by no other than one of my favorite blogger Ali.

The rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.

Here are my eight things.

1. I have a peculiar fascination about places and countries in the South. My list of dream destinations consists of places like 1. Punta Arenas ( A town in Southern Chile in South America), Trivandaram ( A town on the tip of South India) 3. Cape Town ( South Africa). I live in Sindh (Southern Province of Pakistan) and I travelled to Keti Bandar recently to fulfill my desire of seeing the ultimate South of Pakistan.

2. I am very clumsy in doing anything with wires, screws, nut and bolts. Sometimes it takes me hours to join two simple wires in an electrical switch or mend a broken telephone wire.

3. I am obsessed with de cluttering. Every week I am seen emptying my drawers and throwing out junk. (I wonder how does the junk accumulate so frequently.) It is a continuous struggle to get my drawers, shelves and closets organized and simplified. My family members say that my favorite hobby is to clean my drawers.

4. I don't feel comfortable in having a number equalling 8. I don't intentionally avoid 8 but I don't feel comfortable when dealing with any number equaling 8 like travelling on 8, 17 or 26 of a month or having my bank account number or credit card number equalling 8. I consider 1 being my lucky number.

5. Travelling gives me immense pleasure. The journey is my destination. The sight of plains, rugged mountains, green pastures, rivers and sands gives me immense pleasure.

6. I cannot sleep without having my eyes covered with a piece of cloth. If nothing is available I place my hand over my eyes and sleep.

7. Reading maps is one of my favorite pastimes. I can spend hours and hours to study the maps of countries and continents.

8. I am very emotionally attached to my students and try to know each of them as an individual. I often remember the birthdays of my students even if I had taught them years ago.

I tag Psyched.

Tryst with nature.

2007-07-03T21:30:00.000+05:00

It's been a hat trick to watch sunrise from the roof of my home. Clouds, sun and birds with moon hovering in the opposite horizon make the morning rise a tryst with nature. I feel bringing the nature at my door step and without getting out of my home I enjoy the colorful show as a solo audience. What I like best is the turning of the color of sky from blue to orange in the east. Today it was hide and seek between sun and clouds and I was mesmerized by the glow of sun behind the clouds. I forgot where I was and found myself as part of a great celestial drama. Everyday nature offers spectacular scenes to watch, feel and be part of them but we miss them or fail to acknowledge their uniqueness. As it is said by a classical Urdu poet Mir Dard "Sarsary hum is jahan say guzray, Warna har ja jahan e digar tha". ( We passed this world cursorily, otherwise every place was a world in itself.)

38...so what!!!

2007-06-24T21:51:00.000+05:00

Next month I will be 38 years old. When I look back at my last 10 years of life I find myself going through a lot of change. During these 10 years I have suffered set backs, endured difficult times, tasted defeats and passed through the phase of total abandonment by my so called close friends. The last decade has also given me some of the greatest happinesses of my life. I have become far more open, spontaneous, easygoing and carefree than what I was in 1997. I used to take everything very seriously and allow myself no margin of error. Hence I was very upright, fastidious and no-nonsense in dealing with people especially with students. I was respected but at the same time I was a lonely person. I used to wonder why any girl was not in my life. I was well educated, well placed, good looking yet I was a failure in the matter of love. I could talk for hours on current political issues, history, management, economics but couldn't engage a girl in a light conversation. One of my female colleague told me to read literature to understand the complexities of human relationships and particularly to understand female psychology because she felt I was too prudish. Literature didn't help me much to understand the female psychology what helped me most were women themselves. When I started listening to my female colleagues, to my cousins, to my girl students, I found that what women want is understanding of their emotions. All my credentials worth nothing when it comes to winning the heart of a woman because I knew only how to involve the brain and didn't know how to engage the heart. It was big eye opener for me. The transformation of my personality started and I became slowly more open and relaxed. Life became easy for me and I started enjoying my work more. The change in my personality didn't come quickly and easily and it took many years before I was able to get out of the confinement of a nice, perfect and infallible image that I had locked myself into. Then love of my life came. My poem roller coaster describes my sentiments.

Roller Coaster

"I am flawed, erratic and moody
yet you hold my hand all along
not knowing where I would lead you
sometimes we soar as if never to fall
when I become quiet, you wait for my call
my life is like a roller coaster
Love entered in my life when I stopped being perfect
and it was then you told me " I love to ride on a roller coaster.

I am not what I was in 1997 and I will be not what I am today in 2017. I have seen many of my dreams gone shattered and many new dreams come alive. I have met scores of beautiful, intelligent and remarkable women, read rich literature from Kundera to Murakami, travelled to remote and rugged places in Sindh, captured marvellous natural scenes in my camera, listened to intellectual giants and savored quality food during the last decade especially during last 5 years.

I feel young, 38 doesn't describe me. "Cheeni Kum."

A bud.

2007-06-18T12:52:00.000+05:00

The touch of bud enlivens my heart. Spirited, gushing, untrammelled flow of admiration from every action has inundated my heart. "It's you, I swear", these words have made my day.

Khamushi.

2007-06-16T23:17:00.000+05:00

Ae khamushi utar ja meray dil mein
sunna chahta hun dil kehta hai kiya
bohat hangamay hain dunya main aur main hun dhoondta
ik gosha jahan main or ho mera dil
phir karun ghanton batain apnay dil say
Ae khamushi utar ja meray dil mein

My Heaven.

2007-06-12T19:36:00.000+05:00

Books, Paintings, Music and You.

Its time for decision making.

2007-06-07T23:23:00.000+05:00

Now a days I have not too much to do. My classes in one of the institutes are over and at my home centre too students have completed their courses almost. So I have lots of time in hand particularly on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I have got rid of lots of clutter. I am also reading my unfinished books. At the same time I have purchased few new books in Sindhi despite self imposed ban on purchasing books. I couldn't resist the temptation of purchasing so cheap books on such interesting topics. I couldn't believe that for just Rs. 100 I got 4 books from Sindhi Language Authority book stall. The books are priceless, I have already got worth of my Rs. 100 when I read in one of the books about saints in Jainism, Hinduism and Buddhism.
In the evening I went to see our neighbour who came back from a visit to India. He is above 60 years of age and a fervent traveller. He went to see his relatives in Rajasthan. He went to Jaipur, Sikar and Bikaner and then further south to Hyderabad. He was all praise for the progress in India. He said that now there was no comparison between India and Pakistan. India is far ahead. The salaries are high there but the prices of goods are cheap. Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs live peacefully. While he was narrating his account of Indian trip I felt disappointment on what we have done with Pakistan. He urged me to visist India and see Delhi, Jaipur and Agra in the first trip and if there is a chance then I must go and see my ancestrol town of Mahedragarh as well.
Karachi is calling me again. I have prayed that I take the better decision. I want to read, travel, write and teach and that's all I am doing. But only teaching is giving me money. May be in Karachi I will be able to earn from my other passions as well. I don't want to leave the things that I love most. The time for decision making has arrived and I cannot escape it. I have to make the decision pretty soon.

In the memory of Dr. Ishqi

2007-06-03T12:40:00.000+05:00

The city of Hyderabad once famous for literary and intellectual gatherings is now deprived of such events. When one of the learned Professor of English told me about the organization of a gathering in the memory of Dr. Ilyas Ishqi I decided to attend it. Last night I went to the function and found very few people attending it. There were hardly 50 participants in a city of more than 2 million. Dr. Ilyas Ishqi was no ordinary person. He was an intellectual giant. Born in Jaipur in 1922 he migrated to Pakistan in 1948. His professional association was with Radio Pakistan but his areas of expertise were literature, language and music. He was an expert on Urdu literature. The aspect that inspired me most was his command over many languages of Pakistan. He was fluent in Sindhi, Punjabi and Seraiki. He was one of the top most literary figure who was seen as the expert in Sindhi language especially on Shah Latif though his mother tongue was Urdu. Persian and Hindi were other languages in which he expressed himself in the form of poetry. He devoted his life to spread love among the dwellers of Pakistan especially Sindh. His first and last love was books. He passed away on 12 January 2007. I am lucky to know him as a close friend of my father. Dr. Ishqi came to our home many times to spend time with my father. Hyderabad has lost one of its greatest patron of knowledge. One of his verse is below with my attempt to translate it.

" Harf ki qeemat bay payan hai, harf kay hain imkaan bohat
harf ko zinda karna seekho phir chahay taqdeer likho"

" The price of word is infinite, the possibilities of words are countless"
learn how to make word alive, then write your own fate".

Love You Indus.

2007-05-29T20:46:00.000+05:00

I was feeling jaded so I went to see you. O Indus, you are always there for me to rejuvinate my soul. Love you.

It is not over.

2007-05-26T14:01:00.000+05:00

You are settled. I am settled. Let the game begin.

Keti Bandar.

2007-05-05T09:36:00.000+05:00

On 3rd May 2007 the allure of the distant sea took me to the end of Pakistan in the south to the small port town of Keti Bandar. When I reached there I was convinced once again that fear of unknown lies in our mind not outside of it. I reached Gharo at 9 am where my Memon driver was waiting for me. Without wasting time we moved towards south on our way to Keti Bandar. Passing through the heart of Indus Delta we reached Keti Bandar around 12 noon. The first sight of the sea gave me the pleasure of finding a long lost friend. We entered the town and met Mr. Bukhari, a member of Fisher folk forum, who gave us remarkable hospitality beyond our expectation. The sea water all around us was actually the intrusion by the sea in the lands of Sindh. The intrusion is caused by the lack of flow of Indus river into the sea therefore sea water is gnawing the land each year. Where we saw the salty water of sea there once stood the crops of rice. I asked Mr. Bukhari to show us the roaring sea. He told us for that we had to travel on boats to enter the Arabian Sea. We embarked on a small boat called " Horo" in Sindhi. All the way we saw small islands on which the Debali community of fishermen lives. After travelling for half an hour we saw the high tides of Arabian Sea. We were about to enter into the open sea when I asked the boatman to return to Keti Bandar. After spending sometime there I left for Hyderabad and reached my home at 8 pm.

For more pictures visit my Fotoblog.

Banbhore.

2007-05-02T12:54:00.000+05:00

The Mosque of Banbhore, Sindh.

Yesterday I went to Banbhore. When I sat foot out of my home I didn't know that I would reach Banbhore because I intended to go further south to the Arabian Sea coast of Keti Bandar. After contacting some people of the area I came to know that the route to Keti Bandar goes from Gharo, a small town on the road between Thatta and Karachi. By the time I reached Gharo it was already 2pm and when I asked the driver of the taxi how much time it would take to reach Keti Banadr he told me that it would take around 3 hours. So I decided it was too late to go to the place and asked the driver to show me the nearby places. The driver belonged to the Memon community of the town and I was surprised to know that he knew so much about the life in Indus delta and sea. Memons are usually businesspersons. He told me that he was married in the Mir Bahar community who are actually fisherman. Mir Bahar, the king of Sea, has given the name Admiral , the commander of the fleet of navy. We first went to Gharo creek where the fishermen were catching fish and then we went to Banbhore. Banbhore is a ruined city now but it is said that when first Arab conquerer of Sindh Muhammad Ibne Qasim came here it was the bustling port city and called Debal. I took some pictures of the ruined city with the Gharo creek in background. The famous poet of Sindh Shah Abdul Latif Bhittai has immortalized the love story of Sassui and Punnuh through his poetry. Sassui belonged to Banbhore. The first mosque in the Sub continent is said to be built in Banbhore around 712 AD at the time of Arab conquest of Sindh. I came back home with better and clearer understanding about visiting Keti Bandar that I will visit soon.

Wounded Alma Mater.

2007-04-19T22:45:00.000+05:00

The massacre at Virginia Tech has blown the hallowed institution of university to smithereens. It is like bombing the mosque, temple, synagogue, or church. No, I am wrong the university is more sacred than the religious centers because here the learned and the learners together are in the pursuit of knowledge the only activity truly epitomizing the essence of being human.

The killer wounded his alma mater and killed her children who were not strangers but his own siblings. Who would now feel safe in the lap of alma mater? The students and teachers will doubt each other; the home of learning has been shattered. I feel the pain of the teachers of Virginia Tech who grope to find the answer to the biggest question of their life why did they fail to pacify the brewing anger of a young guy who had shown enough signs of alienation. Something somewhere must have altered the role of university, teachers and education so subtly that resulting absence of support system for any estranged student turned an ordinary student into the perpetrator of the deadliest massacre in US history.

I do not claim to know America and its culture and how it would feel to be a part of an American university so I am not in a position to comment upon the pressures an immigrant student might have felt that led him to commit mass murder of his own varsity fellows. However as a teacher I think the lacking may lie in not reaching out to the family of the student especially his parents at a time when first signs of diabolical thoughts were detected in his writings. Taking the family into confidence and tracing the causes of his problems might have given the university authorities better clues to know true state of the mind of the embittered student. I feel sorry for the VT faculty and staff who no doubt would have done more had they known what catastrophe a lone student would bring to their institution.

“Give respect to each other, help the weak students to grow, never make fun of any student, never ridicule anyone and always stretch your hand for mutual growth “, this is my message to all the students of the world.

Existentialism. (My 100th Post)

2007-04-11T22:41:00.000+05:00

When I got the novel Plague by Albert Camus I had no idea who the author was and what kind of the novel Plague would turn out to be. Later I came to know that Camus was associated with existentialism though he himself preferred not be associated with any school of thought. Camus was once a close friend of Sartre who is regarded as the leading philosopher of existentialism of the 20th century. The meaning of existentialism in philosophy was not clear to me and after searching on net and reading from my introductory book on philosophy I found that existentialist philosophers believe that human beings although have no power to choose the environment of their birth but they do have the power to form their world through exercising the will power. I know that there must be more to the subject than what I have understood but the essence that I got from reading about it is liberating. One can make a difference for better in the presence of overwhelming problems and challenges through resoluteness and will. Plague is such a story where the indomitable spirit of the human beings fought a battle against the plague. Plague struck the people out of the blue and altered their destiny but failed to subdue the will of the people to defeat the dreaded disease. Eventually the people of the town saw the retreat of the plague and began living their ordinary lives again.

My mood is ethereal

2007-04-08T23:38:00.000+05:00

The night has fallen and the humming of the fan enhances the silence all around. I am sitting in my study room with a new book around. "...And Another Woman Shall Bear Me" is the collection of articles by Khadijah Gauhar an Afro-Asian writer. I have already finished a couple of articles and surprisingly the first article was finished even before I reached home after purchasing the book. My bike was standing idle for almost a month and I decided to take a ride on it. I went straight to the bookshop to get the book and on my return trip I found my self stuck in a traffic jam. The blockade was so massive that I switched off my bike and opened the first pages of the book to read. I created an island of serenity in the midst of mayhem and started reading the book. As I engrossed myself in the thoughts and ideas of the author I forgot that I was stranded in the traffic jam and the feeling of being in control gave me satisfaction at a time when most of the people seemed frustrated. I read about the author's apathy towards restrictive form of education she got in a school of a Muslim neighborhood of Cape Town in 1930s. As I finished the first article with these words " I believed that the general aim of sound education is to help individuals to grow to fuller maturity; to help them to live well with his or her own world or society", I looked around and found no improvement in the traffic jam. I waited for few more minutes and then turned the bike back to reach home via long route. I am reading the other articles now but I will never forget the start of the book as it was made in very unusal environment for reading. My mood is ethereal.

Curse of a woman

2007-04-03T00:29:00.000+05:00

Leave me forever if you so desire but you will long for love and it will never embrace you. Every step forward and every passing moment will lead you to a life where each day ends in the lap of loneliness, ennui will rule your life and tall buildings surrounding your abode will obstruct fresh air and sunshine to enter, the loosening of the tie will not ease your breathing and you will feel your body turning into a concrete. You will watch thousand faces popping out from the dead walls of your forlorn room mocking your highbrow living and you will die all alone in the midst of dark night faraway in time as well in distance from the one who is urging you right now not to leave.

Magic moment

2007-03-31T23:12:00.000+05:00

Distnictively tall, having long black hair, big eyes and buxom body with confident and affable outlook she walked effusively towards the garden of our campus. Her untrammelled youth had enthralled me. Next day our eyes met and locked for a split second then drifted away. I didn't go to campus for next few days but on my next visit I saw her seeing in my direction and again our eyes met but this time we smiled. The magic moment passed and we parted.I never saw her again. When I look back at the magic moment it enchants me and fills my heart with happiness.

Irrational son.

2007-03-28T01:16:00.000+05:00

Why do I hurt my mother despite possessing ineffable love for her? I think the answer lies in my irrationality when it comes to my relation with my mother. I want to see her always happy. The sight of my mother being tense, sad or depressed shakes my world and I lose my sangfroid and try to make her happy instantly without realizing that she would naturally take some time to get out of her gloomy mood. I become extremely annoyed with whoever causes her bad mood. My extreme agitation affects my heart and brain and I start feeling pain. At this point my mother forgets her own pain, assures me that she is fine and asks me to be normal and there is absolutely nothing that she is worried about. When I hear her I should calm down but then I find myself in a vortex of emotions that keeps spinning my head. Seeing my condition my mother gets stressed and worried and there I feel utmost guilt that in the pursuit of making her happy I have inflicted pain on her. The guilt of causing pain to my mother further exasperates my condition. Finally after hours of talking, expressions of love for each other, promises of taking care of each other and hugging things start to normalize and my mother forgets her pain and smiles as I start my daily routine.
I know I do not deal with the normal swings of my mother’s mood in an emotionally intelligent way but despite my efforts to control my emotions, I lose my control over them and deny my mother her right to be sad, angry or depressed like any other normal human being.

Teaching my veiled students

2007-03-22T00:09:00.000+05:00

In my all girls class four of the students wear niqab or veil. Teaching the veiled students was a difficult task for me. I establish eye contact with every student while teaching but I find it difficult to establsih eye contact with girls wearing veils because I thought it might offend them. However without eye contact I found it impossible to teach so I slowly started establsihing eye contact with them. The result was an improved level of communication. Veil ceased to be a formidable barrier as I started focusing on the non-verbal aspects of voice to compensate for the loss of facial gestures that are so important to know the level of comprehension of students.
I haven't seen the faces of my veiled students but in my imagination each student has a face that may not correspond to the actual face but that face smiles, questions, concentrate and performs all the gestures while I teach. I determine the obscure facial expressions of the students through the tone and pitch of their voice and their body language. Those who cannot see with eyes have thousand other ways to appreciate the beauty of world, so if facial expressions are missing there are ample ways to communicate effectively with veiled students.

Heart wrenching

2007-03-19T17:42:00.000+05:00

Bob Woolmer's death has shaken the Pakistani nation. "Bob Woolmer has died", the news muted all the tirade against Bob Woolmer by the jingos of Pakistani cricket. In our frenzy to castigate the team we forgot what the toll it would take on the coach and players. Although exact condition of his mind at the time of his death would never be known but the pressure build up following the deafeat of Pakistan may have been too much for the man to cope who had dedicated his life for cricket and in the night following the defeat he collapsed. The Woolmer wanted to quit as the coach of Pakistani team after the completion of his contract in June 2007 to spend more time with his family. He was under tremendous stress and far away from his home in an alien island he couldn't make it to the morning. The headlines of the papers are filled with praise for him but he is no more.

Naxalites of India

2007-03-15T16:38:00.000+05:00

The terror attack on the police station in Bijapur by Naxalites as reported in Hindustan Times is deplorable without any doubt. However I was surprised by the scale of killing in this attack and concerned that something terrible is happening in India that is not getting due coverage in international media. The under privileged class in India feels itself trounced under the feet of bourgeoisies who are rapaciously gulping Indian resources to imitate the lifestyle of the citizens of western world. The naxalites represent the reality of interior India that is obscure to the western reporters who are dazzled by the glitter of Bollywood and dazed by the success of Indian cyber world companies. India has aligned itself with the capitalism of US and the socialist ghost of Nehruvian era has been exorcised from its economy. The backlash by the Indian down trodden is feeble yet it is gaining momentum day by day and the time is not far away when the news of the emergence of a leader of Hugo Chavez stature from the little known states of Chhattisgarh or Jharkand would take the world by surprise. In the eyes of western media India is beautiful, democratic, vibrant, progressive, secular and the darling of the west yet in the dark jungles of far off India Naxalites have become the voice of oppressed Indians who find themselves languishing in the India that has no resemblance to the India portrayed in western media.

Abhorently Haughty.

2007-03-14T21:26:00.000+05:00

After reading the post Let us trade with Pakistan on Amit Varma's blog IndiaUncut one cannot miss the sense of self righteousness that is prevailing among Indian intelligentia. The simplistic approach of Indian writers of squaring all blames on Pakistan for the troubles in Kashmir is of no help to take out the billions of people of sub continent from the quagmire that we are facing for decades. The worsening of the situation in Kashmir cannot be attributed solely to Pakistani support of the insurgents there. The sooner Indian intelligentsia realizes the bungles of its own government the better India would be in a position to win the hearts of ordinary Pakistanis who really want to see relations between India and Pakistan strengthened. The mess in Indian held Kashmir has to be sorted out. The blame game must stop if Indians want that they should be truly accepted at a higher moral pedestal by ordinary Pakistanis. Haughtiness of Indian political writers is putting off the Pakistanis who want to be the partner in achieving the cherished goal of long lasting peace in Sub continent.

Exclusive Kiosk

2007-03-10T00:22:00.000+05:00

Time has stopped in my mind whenever I think of you. What I find there is a tall, fair girl with big eyes and blonde hair sitting on the black leather sofa in front of me in the sumptuous office of an advertising agency where both of us had gone for an interview in a June evening long time ago. I never knew those brief common moments of our lives would leave a permanent mark on my mind. You went back to your own world leaving me behind to reminisce the joy of your brief company. I have captivated that moment or that moment has captivated me, I don't know what I know is that in my imagination I have made an exclusive kiosk where I marvel at your natural simplicity. When I am not with you in the kiosk I imagine you are glowing in the light and I am wondering whether the light is coming from the sun or you.

Keep shining, keep glowing.

You cannot give me " nothing"

2007-03-09T12:23:00.000+05:00

I ask from you nothing. Will you be able to give me nothing? No, you cannot give me what I ask. If you try to give me nothing in what shape will you give it to me. Will it be in the form of ignoring me but ignorance is not nothing. In your attempt to give me nothing you are trying to fulfill my desire thus performing the act of lovers who try to fulfill the desire of their beloved. If you intentionally deny it and give me something in the form of attention, affection, love or presence you will be doing something that is also the act of a person who may be on the path of falling in love. The other option of hating me is not possible because nobody hates anyone for asking for nothing. If you hate me for asking for nothing than this itself is the affirmation of your love for me because that shows you want me to want something instead of nothing. You cannot give me nothing. You are doomed.

Gone to Canada

2007-03-06T10:23:00.000+05:00

Z is my first cousin. We were born six months apart, I being the elder. We went to the same school and spent 12 years till we pursued different careers. He left for Canada yesterday as an immigrant. I don't know how would I fill the time in the evening when I need a friend to talk about sundry topics like my poetry (that he regarded as merely puerile...) my real or imaginary flirts, our married lives, old friends, politics, philosophy, his chats on yahoo in religion rooms, his friends whom I don't like, (I think these friends were just a wastage of time). There was a sort of tacit agreement between us not to try to change each other though we may advise and suggest what we feel was better for each other. I have spent years and years of close friendship with him and there was hardly a day when we did not talk or meet each other. As he left for Canada I feel a portion of my life vacant. I know I can keep in touch with him through net and call him on phone as well but it will not be the same as it was here. I wish him success and hope to see him soon.

Colors of Holi

2007-03-04T21:02:00.000+05:00

When one of my hindu students came to study I asked him did you celebrate holi. His answer was no. I was surprised but he explained that the fun of holi was to celebrate it with family and his family was scattered in Karachi, Hyderabad and his village. He told me in childhood when he used to celebrate it his grand father always told him not to throw colours as they would spoil the floor. He explained that the colours available in Pakistan are hard to get rid off and even after a week they remained on skin and he had to cleanse the body with kerosine. I was surprised how come here the water colors are not available. He may be right...I don't know. Was he hiding something or scattered family and caustic colors were the causes of such a bland holi day in the life of a hindu guy.

Sindhi

2007-03-03T11:00:00.000+05:00

Last week I met Mr. Abdul Qadir Junejo, a famous Sindhi writer. It was an intellectually satisfying meeting. I told him about my interest in Sindhi literature and my efforts to excel Sindhi language skills. We talked on diverse matters ranging from gypsies to Portuguese attack on Thatta. On my request he recommended me a Sindhi novel " Rehji Wiyal Manzar" that I purchased next day. The novel is a love story developed in Sindh University campus in Jamshoro. I have picked few new words of Sindhi and I am enjoying the novel. My fluency in the language is improving and one of my student was surprised when he found I could speak Sindhi. I remember those days when in the university I used to fumble in speaking Sindhi and people used to smile on my clumsy efforts of speaking the language. Learning of Sindhi has been a long journey for me. There are few words that only Sindhi speakers could pronounce correctly like Bba, Jn, Gn and my Sindhi friends used to ask me to say JnJn and I was unable to speak. Through practice and efforts I can now pronounce the peculiar Sindhi words correctly and I feel great about it. My journey to explore Sindhi continues and the greatest reward is the enhanced feeling of belonging to Sindh and its people.

Janay do

2007-02-18T12:46:00.000+05:00

dil ka har bojh utar janay do
na roko ashk beh janay do

teri zindagi say jo chala gaya
aay jo uski yaad to aanay do

phir kabhi, kabhi na ai ga
hamain hal e dil sunanay do

main khud bhi so hi jaun ga
pehlay khabon ko sulanay do

bat hai tai dar nahin kholna
phir kiyun isay khatkhatanay do

zindagi bhar ka hai saath lekin
main aur dunya goya anjanay do

Son of the Sea

2007-02-15T19:51:00.000+05:00

When I boarded the bus to come back to Hyderabad from Karachi his face struck me immediately. He had a very dark complexion that became starker due to his shocking green dress. The seat beside him was empty and there I sat. I asked him is he from Thar, the remote desert in the South East of Pakistan. He looked like a Thari but he replied no he is not from Thar. He was from a small village along River Indus in the north of Hyderabad, Sindh. He belonged to the community of fishermen known as Mallahs. Mallah literally means the boatman. He told me he was coming from the sea after fishing there for a month and going back to his village. I asked him about his life on sea and his eyes shined as he told me that the life on sea is wonderful. He spend nearly a month on sea catching fish. Fishing has been their livelihood since centuries. The take all the food on the boat and spend days and nights in open sea. During the nights they dance and sing. Finding me interested in his work he asked me to go along with him on a fish catching trip. I liked him, his simplicity and sincerity. He was the son of the sea. His dark complexion was the making of years of exposure to the heat of sun. I enjoyed his company and said good bye to him before getting off from the bus.

On a weight loss jaunt

2007-02-10T13:09:00.000+05:00

It has been 5 days since I am on a diet and eating only chicken and salad. It feels good but pounds are yet to shed. I want to lose weight to look great and feel great. I am enjoying the change in diet.

Delhi once again

2007-02-07T10:55:00.000+05:00

I dreamt of Delhi again. It was a saint's tomb and I was sitting with the disciples. I introduced myself to them as Pakistani. When I saw outside it was a ruined masoleum and in the back ground I saw Qutb Minar. I had an idea that it was the tomb of Hazrat Qutbuddin Bakhtiar Kaki.

Cynicism must not prevail

2007-01-30T15:45:00.000+05:00

It was my last lecture of the course in an MBA class. As has always been the case I urged the students to be genuine, creative and forward looking. One of the students quipped that all our strategies and analysis would be of no use because in Pakistani environment an illiterate boss would scuttle our ideas and demand blind compliance of his orders. The mood of the class changed as if all their studies are in waste and they cannot make any real difference through their efforts once they are out in the field. I vehemently opposed the belief that out there in the practical life they would face ogres. Subscribing to the idea of cynicism tantamounts to accepting the role of education and educational institutions as ineffective and by the same token it would mean that my standing as a teacher has no impact on the outside world.I tried to defuse despair by injecting hope among all the students and exhorted that no matter what circumstances you face keep the negative thoughts away and concentrate on delivering the best, certainly, you can and will make a difference. The cynicism must not prevail because it would paralyze your limbs and mind and leave you frustrated. You must give yourself a full chance in life by continual improvement in your education and skills. Do not succumb to cynicism because if you succumb I would lose my pride as a teacher. I have seen success and the seed of success is born in the mind, here right here in you.

Your hand

2007-01-16T10:34:00.000+05:00

Your hand slipped away and I was lost
I am looking for that hand to find me back
Do you know how much I have missed you
In thousand dreams I have kissed you
Time sepeartes you and me
it's increasing, it's decreasing
the feel of your hand is still with me
and that gives the clue of my being.

Cold nights

2006-12-08T20:40:00.000+05:00

Cold nights challenge me to dare out and feel their raw chill. I want to spend a night over the top of an arid mountain in Kirthar range. When cold freezes me I will take refuge in a cave and lit the fire and wait for the sun to come out.

Sunny Serene Sky

2006-12-06T11:57:00.000+05:00

After Monday's thunderous rain Hyderabad's sky is sunny once again.
I love the colour of sky.

Timeless purity

2006-12-05T23:07:00.000+05:00

Many will be sending you the messages to wish you happy birthday but they don't know you were born at the time when the stars were born billions of years ago. The glimmer in your eyes is similar to the glitter of heavenly diamonds in a pitch black cloudless night. Your purity is timeless and originality is intact just as the purity of stars is untouched and unmolested.

Emotions and words

2006-11-29T10:48:00.000+05:00

She said, "I am good at words for emotions". If you are good at words for emotions you are a poet. We usually fumble and lose our way in the labyrinth of expressing our emotions. To be good in expressing ones emotions is an art because I think one is considered good in expressing the feelings if he/she is able to make other understand the feelings as well, if you are able to do so then certainly you are eloquent and you do not need to be an orator because the skill you possess is rare.

Delhi in my dream

2006-11-24T11:09:00.000+05:00

I dreamed of Delhi last night. It was an old part of Delhi having high rise but old palaces and the tombs of saints. While passing through a street I heard someone saying to his younger brother give niaz of 2 annas for a wali but not of 4 annas, his brother replied "aftab" (aftab meant in my dream ok though actually it means "Sun"). I travelled like a wanderer on foot and thought that one day when I actually visit Dilli (let me call Delhi as Dilli as it gives the feelings of belonging) I would find these places so I tried to remember the details of the monuments.

Elegant beauty

2006-11-16T14:43:00.000+05:00

If you were born 100 years ago you would be living in a secluded room of a Haveli in a city along river Ganges. Only your eyes could be seen from the small window of your room. Thanks God you were not born at that time and now I can see your elegant beauty unhindered.

Unaiza Nasim: In the line of duty...

2006-11-11T13:57:00.000+05:00

Unaiza Nasim: In the line of duty...

Deciphering My Emotions.

2006-11-06T15:26:00.000+05:00

Fiction
The difficulty to understand the nature of my emotions has not barred me to look deep inside myself and get a feeling of my emotions. I see a rampant flow of passion gushing out from my heart to inundate the target of my emotions. I am awed by the sheer power of my passion and admit the target of my emotions would be terrified to be swept away in the amorous flood yet I believe when it is over the target of my emotions would have been satiated up to the hilt. This is what I believe; what if when emotions subside I find the target of my emotions in the battered condition? What if instead of being satiated the target of my emotions is devastated? What should I do? Keep the check on my emotions and devoid the target of my emotions of the most gratifying experience of becoming the center of undivided attention of a passionate being. No I cannot go against my nature: this is the message I get from my emotions.

Anew Love Story

2006-11-02T21:24:00.000+05:00

"The following passage is a piece of fiction."

In an alien land of your exile I want to cross your path in a murky evening as a stranger to start the love story which never began though it could have begun had I known how to begin love stories when we met for the first time. Do you know you taught me indirectly how to begin love stories? Of course you did all instinctively but through your actions I learn the instincts of woman. You became my learning ground for understanding woman for which I am indebted to you. It has been many years since I last saw you and during this time I have met hundreds of women and refined on my initial learning and I consider myself now experienced enough to begin the love story that never began with you. The story that will begin now has a plot, the title is love story but there is no love, it is a story of calculated moves in which you will have what you always wanted: hope and anxiety, excitement and boredom, victories and defeats, certainty and uncertainty a complete course in falling in love. Finally after a long quest you will get what you wanted attributing the victory to your unflinching power of love. At that moment I will smile on the naivety of my acts and foolishness of my efforts to win your heart when we met for the first time.

Mound of the Dead

2006-10-28T17:36:00.000+05:00

On the second day of Eid I visited Moen Jo Daro with my mathematics teacher of school days. The ruins of Moen Jo Daro or Mound of the Dead lie 300 km north of Hyderabad on the banks of river Indus. The purpose of the visit was to see the genius of the people of Indus valley civilization that existed between 2500-1500 BC. After a journey of over 4 hours when we reached MJD we found a huge number of people visiting the place to enjoy the Eid holidays. My mathematics teacher was conducting a research to show the mathematical advancement of the dwellers of MJD and the use of mathematics in the construction of their city. My teacher said that people of MJD were far advanced in mathematics and the Greeks had learnt most of the mathematical concepts from the people of Indus valley civilization. He pointed to the number of wells of different sizes in MJD and told that it was likely these people knew the use of Pi to make wedge shaped bricks to construct these wells. After spending 3 hours on the site we returned back to Hyderabad just after dusk. On the way back my teacher told me about many links between Indus valley and Greece. There are many words common in Sindhi (language of the land of MJD) and Greek. It was a learning of high class and a holiday well spent.

Lonely victory

2006-10-19T21:38:00.000+05:00

Fiercely ambitious people crush every one who comes in their way. For them every interaction is an opportunity to further their own interests. They see the world as if it exists only for them. They want all relationships to serve their purpose. Their purpose is to reach the heights where no one is above them. In the pursuit of their goal they destroy many lives and at the end what they get is loneliness at the peak of the mountain. This mountain is made up by the heaps of tormented people. Who are these people? They are the ones whom they had called their friends and loved ones. A lonely victory is the end of every ambitious man's story.

Poverty and Peace

2006-10-14T00:25:00.000+05:00

"Lasting peace cannot be achieved unless large population groups find ways in which to break out of poverty”, this was stated by Nobel Peace Prize committee as it awarded this year Nobel Prize for Peace to Muhammad Yunus of Grameen Bank. The above statement is the statement for hope for the world. Muhammad Yunus has transformed the traditional banking sector by providing small credit to poor especially poor women without asking for any collateral. The Nobel Prize is the recognition of the role of Grameen Bank and its founder in the promotion of peace by eliminating one of the major causes of war: poverty. Nobel committee has shown to the world that war or absence of peace is caused by economic reason. I appreciate the decision of the Nobel Committee mainly because it highlights the relationship between poverty and war.

The wide gap in the standard of living that exists between poor and rich creates ill will among the poor towards rich. The poor of the world see the world resources have been monopolized by few rich nations and these rich nations plunder the resources of poor countries through regimes run by kings, generals and other despots. Wherever there is anarchy the root cause will be economic injustice. If the world resources are shared on equitable basis the ever-elusive world peace is achievable by mankind. “

Women all around

2006-10-10T00:11:00.000+05:00

My younger sister when she came yesterday said to me, "Bhaijan I have observed that it's all women around you". I smiled and replied, " I am very lucky". At that time these were the women present and I was the only man.

a. Mother
b. Wife
c. 2 daughters.
d. 3 Studnets (all girls).
e. 2 housemaids.
f.1 sister
g. 1 niece.

MashAllah :)

Roller coaster

2006-10-04T19:43:00.000+05:00

I am flawed, erratic and moody
yet you hold my hand all along
not knowing where I would lead you
sometimes we soar as if never to fall
when I become quiet, you wait for my call
my life is like a roller coaster
Love entered in my life when I stopped being perfect
and it was then you told me " I love to ride on a roller coaster."

Analysis of Pope Benedict Speech

2006-09-16T02:07:00.000+05:00

There is an uproar in the Islamic world on the speech made by Pope Benedict in which he has quoted a Byzantine King who said "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
I was aghast at the use of malicious quotation by Pope and thought why would he say such a thing in the time when the world is already in turmoil due to religious intolerance. To understand the motive behind his speech I read its full text. Here is my analysis.

1. The objective of the Pope in the speech was to invite non-practicing Christians back to the religion of Christianity. He pleaded them the case of religion (Christianity) that had lost its central position among Europeans.
2. The strategy he adopted to achieve the objective was first to malign Islam by quoting the Byzantine King who was humiliated by Turks throughout his life. Then he portrayed Islam as a religion in which there is no place of logic. Why did he malign Islam? To get a soft corner in the heart of the audiences who in these times consider Islamic fundamentalism the greatest threat to the secular civilization of Europe.
3. Next he quoted from Bible that Logos (Logic and word) is God. This quotation was to appeal to the secular audience, who are adherent of the logic and followers of science.
4. He then said the Church and Greek Philosophy have never been at odds essentially. (This was important because audience identify themselves with Greek Philosophy, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and not with church.)
5. He quoted a Muslim philosopher Ibn Hazn who said, "God is not bound even by his own word, and that nothing would oblige him to reveal the truth to us. Were it God's will, we would even have to practice idolatry. " Now here he tried to discredit Islam through this quotation as a religion in which God is not oblige to reveal the truth.
6.Then he tried to detach the modern Catholic Church from the past in which Church itself was the greatest impediment in the path of enlightenment and logic.
7. He then appealed that religion must not be excluded from the realm of logic and the Europe that wants to engage in the dialogue with other civilizations/religions must do so as Christian Europe because there is no conflict in the Christian faith and the values of secular Europe.

The points mentioned above show the position of a man whose institution has lost its ground long time ago and he is trying his best to reclaim the central position for the institution he represents and to do so he used Islam that is indeed sad and dangerous.
How should Muslims react? Muslims should not involve themselves in violent protests. The Muslims should involve themselves in intellectual debate. In universities and in media the Islamic scholars must respond to the misinformation that exists about Islam in Europe through historical facts.

Indus View: Latifabad, Hyderabad, Sindh.

2006-09-10T12:52:00.000+05:00

No.

2006-09-05T13:31:00.000+05:00

That was a moment when I felt all alone, left out in the middle, abondened under the scorching sun in a city of chaos and mayhem. I had two choices either to crumble down and crack under the pressure of that ominous moment or to lick my wounds and without wasting time in lamenting the fate carry on to do what I was upto. I selected the later choice. I didn't allow that moment to suppress my will and write me off. As I withstood that moment everything started to click. Unknown forces came to my help. Strangers became friends and blind curves opened new vistas for me. I didn't do much except saying NO to that moment that was asking me to surrender, that was trying to numb my senses, that was forcing me to withdraw from the game of life.

In wilderness.

2006-08-26T21:39:00.000+05:00

I am shining, I am glowing, I am dancing, I am flying, I am flowing in wilderness.
I long for you O my love.
Shine, glow, dance, fly and flow with me.
Give meaning to my existence.

Call of my heart.

2006-08-21T22:27:00.000+05:00

The tranquility of mind depends on the clarity of purpose. What is the purpose of living? Do we have time to think about it? Do we really make a delibrate decision about it?I doubt. What is the purpose of my life? It is an enormous question. I have defined certain goals for my life but I cannot say "this" is the purpose of my life. I want to know myself, my abilities, my potential and work on that. I want to be "Me". Without considering how old I am, what qualifications I possess, how much money I have I want to answer the call of my heart. My heart tells me to love. To love what is around you. How to love? It is a difficult question. I think when I put aside my own biases and take the thing as it is it reveals its beauty and then I could love that. Human beings fascinate me most. I want to reach the real inside the person. I want to peel off the layers subtly of the person and see the real one. The beauty is inside. What I have found is that all human beings are vulnerable to fall in love. They cover themselves up. These covers are the protection against the intruders whom they cannot trust. I want to shed their fear and see through. To see the real one. The greatest joy I get is when someone trusts me and I uphold the trust. The greatest sorrow is to break that trust. I love to reach the heart of other human being and handle it with care. I want to listen and understand. I want to love and be loved. My thirst for love is never quenched. The stream of my love is never dried. We are all different apparently but deep down we are all same. We all crave for love.