You need to know

You need to know you touch my heart

You need to know you break my heart

You need to know I love you

You need to know I hate you

A year in Oblivion

From the blog I have been absent since last one year. As I saw my last post was in February 2011. Where the year has gone or has it become part of me. If I try to find the year inside me I have to look for happiness, pain, achievements, and losses. In the whirlwind that life is who has the time to reflect back on the happenings of past or of the last year to be specific. But not doing so would further add up to the feeling of aimless drift in which I find myself now. It may not be the case entirely because our inner compass keeps guiding us about the waywardness of our movements from the destination but taking a stock is a must so that we can achieve focus. Writing the blog keeps me on track on daily basis. February 2011, March 2011, April 2011, May 2011, June 2011, July 2011, August 2011, September 2011-January 2011. For last few months I have gone through some of the experiences in life that have made me realize many realities of life and told me that what's important in life what relationships are most important and who should matter and what things should not matter. I have come across many ups and downs. I feel tired but not lost.

Unexpected help

I was to attend the a party but I found that my sandal hook is broken and when I walk the strap comes out. It was night and off day so i couldn't find any cobbler. As I was going inside to attend the function the strap of the shoe again came out and I had to tighten it. I was feeling awkward to go with loose strap inside the party so I decided to give another try to find a cobbler to mend it. I found instead a tyre puncture shop open and I went there and asked the person if he could help me. He fixed my shoe with his tools and I comfortably when to the party.

Don't bother

What I have got very few have. I have lived my life in a way where I have been able to develop opportunities out of nothing. I have been able to survive and thrive among various competitors. I have taken big risks, dealt with difficult people, tried to create a niche for my self, learn languages and have the confidence to love myself. I don't bother about those who don't care about my feelings.

In pursuit of Imagination

Where do I stand now after squandering some precious years of my life in the exploration of my imagination?I gained but I lost too. What have I lost can be gained but what have I gained can it be lost?

Achievement Gap.

What I should say other than this that despite my efforts and struggles I have not been able to achieve what I really intended to achieve. What I really intend to achive my heart has just asked? I don't know the answer but what I know is that I intended to achieve a lot. Now my heart has just asked that when you dont know what you actually intended to achieve how could you say that you haven't achieve what you intended to achieve. A voice just came in no it is not exactly the case that I havent achieved but it is that I could have achieved more.

Past is dead.

The turmoil, agitation and restlessness in the soul tell that we do not belong to the present. We have left some part of our soul in the past and our present is searching for the lost other. When we try to reach for our other half in the past it seems that past has also moved on without leaving any trace. Our past is kept alive only in our memory and we keep searching for it with open eyes. The problem is that as we kept living in the past we miss out so much in the present. New sunrises, changing color of skies, smiles of friends, and giggling of children. Despite our desire to be frozen in the past we cannot live there. Once we realize that past is dead never to be resurrected and move on our soul finds peace. Bury the past and move on.

Journey to self

Sometimes it felt that we have left behind ourselves so far that it is not worth an attempt to look back to find ourselves. The fear is that we would not be able to find a trace of our lost self and the desolate empty road would make our journey more depressing than it already is. The fear that time has constructed an impenetrable wall between the self that we lost and the hollow self we now possess stops us to try to search for our real being. The fear has stopped me to write because in my heart I know I can find myself through writing. Writing would lead me to trace my self that I had lost in the past. Writings would lead me to future where I will be able to find myself that I lost in the past. Past and future are meaningless if we know that our present is full and we are in equilibrium.

Originality: A rare trait

It has been a wonderfully interesting day. I was part of the panel for taking interviews of students in a business school. I was looking for focused students who know what they want from life. I did not want those students who were pursuing the field because their parents want them to do so or because they didn't get enough marks to get admission in the field of their choice. I was also looking for the students who are aware what's happening in the world. At least I was expecting them to know who are the major players in the political, business and scientific worlds. I was also testing the students on world geography and to some extent world history. I found very few students who have been able to fulfill the criteria I had set them to get in. I was looking for highly ambitious, passionate, original and persistent students for selection. What I found that majority of the students were just following what their parents or environment has offered to them without trying to create their own world. I have to continue taking the interview all of this week and expect more bright students in upcoming days who would prove to be an exciting lot to teach in upcoming semester.

Secret of Success

We all know the secret of success. This paradoxical statement is true. It is the secret because we look at the successful people with awe but we all know for success what we need to do. The secret lies in discipline yourself so that we have a control over our impulses and vagaries of heart. How to make oneself bound with the tedious tasks for achieving a challenging goal. The details require perseverance because even if we have understood the conceptual framework and design the contours of overall plan it is meaningless until details are not acted upon. The change does come, the seasons do change, the plants do grow, the ideas do become reality but after following a routine. We human beings know the secret of success that is "to discipline ourselves" but the attraction of getting instant gratification is too powerful for us to resist and we give in to the temptation of relishing what our heart wants instantly. Of course here I do not mean not to have fun or enjoyment, what I mean is not to leave the task which needs to be done at that moment because than the path to success will be lost, however if you do stick to the task, no matter how much you have to drag yourself to complete the task, you will have a sense of relief and fulfillment that can only be felt by successful people.

Making it happen!!

I saw a dream in the wee hours of morning
Flying high in the sky speeding towards heaven
Not the heaven that exists beyond the terrestrial
My destination was the garden that was real
Nestled in the mountains whose summits were frozen
To be there and lost, my heart had chosen
I told you my dream and what my heart has desired
Lets be there and do whatever is required
My heart leaped abound that it may happen
I spent time with you in my fantastic heaven

Writing not talking.

I will not talk and whatever I have to say I will write or in other words my fingers will do the talk through typing. It has been written by many writers that there is a connectivity between our brain and fingers and when we write its like emptying our cerebral glass on a sheet of paper so that we can get new ideas to think and act upon. I have also experienced the same thing. When I start to write and empty my mind of the existing thoughts by placing them on the piece of paper I feel as if I am turning intangibles into tangibles, a mass into something concrete. Something pushes me to keep writing once I start. What is that something, the pressure comes from where? I guess it is the unleashed power of words that forces the writer to write. Its like the flow of water, once the tap is opened each drop of water wants to come out, no stopping and what we see is the accumulation of written words. The flow of words cannot be left unguarded. You cannot leave them in the fuzzy state as they were in your mind. I guess the articulating attribute of writing makes it a creative process and once we are done we feel relieved as if a heavy burden is offloaded. We cannot jettison the burden' we have to place it with care as if we are putting a fragile flask on the table. I have talked so much and thrown away my words all around that I feel as if I have squandered my wealth without gaining any return on it. My mouth has to be shut and my brain has to learn to talk via writing more often than not.

It was about to rain
what is left is just pain
all my hopes have gone in vain
all clouds vanished without rain

Why I kept my hopes so high?
I believed in you that's why
"You said, "No one knows you better than I"
I long for your company and you said good bye

My eyes are looking at the cloudless sky
Oh God give me wings so that I can fly
and only touch the ground and lie
Where I can always find you near by

Just relax!!

Its early morning in Karachi and I can hear the chattering of birds. The sky has turned blue and the sun is about to rise. I slept for just 5 hours in the night and now I have to go to attend the official function at 8:30. I have to take bath, get ready and go. I want to come back by 2pm. I want to take rest, relax and enjoy. I love it.

Kuch khayal aya hai.....

khushion ki talash main gham sehtay hain
Kaisi be wafa dunya main hum rehtay hain

paliya hai raaz un say dosti karnay ka
jo sunna chahtay hain woh hum kehtay hain

bhool gai woh hamain chalo koi baat nahin
hum konsay unki yaad main her dam rehtay hain

is khayal say hojata hai assan dushwar safar
manzil main bas ..do char qadam rehtay hain

jo ho but shikan dikhao torkay hamara dil
hamray dil main bhi hazar sanam rehtay hain

dil aisa ke ho jaisay regzaar e be aab
ab to aansoo bhi hamarayy be nam rehtay hain

aas, yaas, piyaas, woh ban gai sahme udas
us say mulaqat pay hum ik nazm kehtay hain

alfaaz key chunao main kahin der na hojay
jo dil ko lagay sach, hum aik dam kehtay hain

Beautiful Moment

It was a beautiful moment when she clutched your hand tightly. Obviously she was scared and in pain and without hesitation she hold your hand to feel secure, protected and supported. You smiled at her gesture and let her hold your hand. Two hands together bound by trust. What made her reach your hand? You were not known to her for long yet she spontaneously got hold of your hand as if you were her best friend.The essence of the moment was believe in humanity. During that moment I found out two things.First you have a generous heart and second .......will tell you some other time.

Don't ask me "How much I love you?"

When you ask me How much I love you....you put me in a difficult position
How could I sperate you from me and weigh the love I have for you
its like asking a living person how much breathing is worth for you
To know the real worth one has to stop breathing and then it becomes suffocating and brings death few breaths away
So when I try to evaluate my love for you
I have to see you as distinct from my self from my soul from my being
and then I feel stale, banal, insipid and mundane
How much I love you..can't tell but know one thing without your love oozing from my heart , I will be an arid zone- parched and barren.

Life

It was not in my hand to cling to the past the pull of the future was too much I had to let it go, let it slip away It recedes to oblivion but it doesn't give up its sway I am present in the present but my heart is in past in my dreams I see things that didn't last From the ruins of yesterdays I build today Though I know I will move to another tomorrow someday This is life tempting, tormenting and transient For my solace this understanding is sufficient

Strange dream

In a dream I saw talking to someone saying that this earth is not the real earth and we are living in a specious planet on the periphery of the universe. Real earth is billions of light years away on the other side of the universe. Strange!!

It will come.....

there around the corner...
when silence rules....
when you can hear the beat of your heart.......
when stars speak...
when air whispers...
when time stops moving...

you feel you are not alone
someone is there
someone with you
who shares these moments
who smiles at your beliwilderment
at your innocence

that some one is no one...but your love.

It will come...unannounced and take you away.