Tick Tick

It is dawn here in the southern Pakistani city of Karachi. The month of October is ticking away and the year 2012 is closing to an end.

Your life is a canvas

The avoidance to tackle our insecurities merely aggravates the sufferings. The insecurities are the baggage that we carry from our past. We cling to our anxieties of yesterdays like hard-won trophies and never dare to trade them for the bounties that tomorrows may offer. The deadliest of the anxieties is the fear of losing the love and approval of  loved ones.  You give the key of your sanguinity and happiness to others. A viscous circle starts. You want approval of your achievements from others and if it is not granted, the motivation to do your best is lost. "The locus of control of your behavior should firmly be within yourself."  Do not make your life a ceaseless struggle for getting the nod of approval that had remained elusive and would remain elusive forever. Endeavor to realize your own potential; reward yourself for your achievements, pamper yourself with treats and cherish your talents and uniqueness. You are the artist and your life is a canvas; sketch the most beautiful picture that truly reflects you; this will be the ultimate gift you would give it to yourself. If someone does not have the eye to appreciate its beauty that's not your problem.

Success I deserve you!

Why have I shunned success for so long? Why am I afraid of success? Is it because success may expose me that I am really not worthy of it? Is it because I am used to "my not so ideal way of living"? Is it because success would put me under uncertain future? Whatever the reason or may be every reason that I have just given has some truth in it; the situation that prevails now is unsustainable. I have to decide do I really want to be successful or stop striving for what I desire half-heartedly. The half-hearted approach  gives me good enough position but saps my energy big time. I have wasted many precious years of my life in trivial activities. I could have achieved far greater positions had I not doubted myself and my ability to achieve greater heights. What was my biggest failure? What was my biggest nemesis? It was pandering to my desires. Now I have to change myself. I have to really focus. I know I can do this. I have to just do it.

Ummeed e Bahar

bahar aai aur aa kay chali bhi gai
yeh kesi rut thi kay phool khilay bhi nahin
udaas  chehron pay ik tabassum ki kali khil na saki
gham say nidhaal shikista badan be jaan hi rahay
rooh taaza hawa ko sisakti rahi
yeh kaisi bahar thi jo aa kay chali bhi gai
kiya mosam e khof hota hai itna hi taweel
kya is mosam main jaanain ho jati hain salb
kiya pazzmurdgi ki mot hoti nahin kabhi
kiya ghunche ho ja t e hain khab o khayal
woh jo maseeha key muntazir thay ab faryaad kartai hain
hamain mazi ki  fazaun main rehnay do
jisay tum bahar kehtay ho yeh fasl e khardar hai
khizan ka mosam hi sahi jahan ummed e bahar to hai

To Masd

Dear Masd

I am writing this letter to let you know that I love you very much. I know that you may sometimes feel overwhelmed by the tasks that you have to do however if you take each task separately and keep doing that I am 100% sure that you will be able to feel better.

Masd

Lost the Key

Somewhere I have lost the key that used to open the heavenly doors of the sky. Those doors that let me enter into the universe of floating galaxies and dancing nebulae, where I used to marvel at the immensity of the space and expanding edges of the universe. Where I have lost the key I don't know!

Grow up man!

What is this pain that keeps coming, the pain of not getting enough love. Why this insecurity, why this convulsion of heart?  I don't want to do anything with you. I don't want to hear the words that you love me, care for me, what childish words and I am grown up. Have I grown up. I don't think so. The child in me does feel abandoned, loveless and betrayed. The sanctuary, the abode,  my hearth where one feels warmth and security was tormented. The fear, anxiety, loss, it has been a long journey. Why does it happen to me? Complex...it was difficult. Now, how much it is easier to always remain the slave of your misfortunes and keep getting the reassurance that world understands and loves you. Oh grow up man!

Choice and compulsion

It has been a wonderful journey. So many things that I had thought have come out to be true. One of them was that life is in living not in thinking. No sorry and I cannot tie the key to my sanity to your mood swings. I love life and life loves me. Here at this moment if I am sitting it is because I had said no to many of the opportunities in life that could have taken me to the destinations in which I was not interested. But then I was not able to control everything,  who else has been able to control. So the vagaries of life have brought me to this juncture. If this is so why not just abandon the futile effort to control the future. I don't know what the answer. But what I do know is that life is the combination of happy and sad moments but the most interesting point is that both these moments can be present at the same moment. Each moment is a happy as well as a sad moment. It all depends upon you what you pick. When I say what you pick it means consciously we have to decide what to pick. The picking moment must be deliberate. The power to discern between the choice and compulsion is critical.

Its over!

It didn't start the way it should have been. The transformation was not smooth. And then it was a case of my adjusting to the situation. I should have been more assertive right from the start.  Its over now. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

Unrequited Love

My unrequited love

You are aquitted

the pain is mine;

my treasure;

my pleasure

you are a siren

i should have known 

You need to know

You need to know you touch my heart

You need to know you break my heart

You need to know I love you

You need to know I hate you

A year in Oblivion

From the blog I have been absent since last one year. As I saw my last post was in February 2011. Where the year has gone or has it become part of me. If I try to find the year inside me I have to look for happiness, pain, achievements, and losses. In the whirlwind that life is who has the time to reflect back on the happenings of past or of the last year to be specific. But not doing so would further add up to the feeling of aimless drift in which I find myself now. It may not be the case entirely because our inner compass keeps guiding us about the waywardness of our movements from the destination but taking a stock is a must so that we can achieve focus. Writing the blog keeps me on track on daily basis. February 2011, March 2011, April 2011, May 2011, June 2011, July 2011, August 2011, September 2011-January 2011. For last few months I have gone through some of the experiences in life that have made me realize many realities of life and told me that what's important in life what relationships are most important and who should matter and what things should not matter. I have come across many ups and downs. I feel tired but not lost.

Unexpected help

I was to attend the a party but I found that my sandal hook is broken and when I walk the strap comes out. It was night and off day so i couldn't find any cobbler. As I was going inside to attend the function the strap of the shoe again came out and I had to tighten it. I was feeling awkward to go with loose strap inside the party so I decided to give another try to find a cobbler to mend it. I found instead a tyre puncture shop open and I went there and asked the person if he could help me. He fixed my shoe with his tools and I comfortably when to the party.

Don't bother

What I have got very few have. I have lived my life in a way where I have been able to develop opportunities out of nothing. I have been able to survive and thrive among various competitors. I have taken big risks, dealt with difficult people, tried to create a niche for my self, learn languages and have the confidence to love myself. I don't bother about those who don't care about my feelings.

In pursuit of Imagination

Where do I stand now after squandering some precious years of my life in the exploration of my imagination?I gained but I lost too. What have I lost can be gained but what have I gained can it be lost?

Achievement Gap.

What I should say other than this that despite my efforts and struggles I have not been able to achieve what I really intended to achieve. What I really intend to achive my heart has just asked? I don't know the answer but what I know is that I intended to achieve a lot. Now my heart has just asked that when you dont know what you actually intended to achieve how could you say that you haven't achieve what you intended to achieve. A voice just came in no it is not exactly the case that I havent achieved but it is that I could have achieved more.

Past is dead.

The turmoil, agitation and restlessness in the soul tell that we do not belong to the present. We have left some part of our soul in the past and our present is searching for the lost other. When we try to reach for our other half in the past it seems that past has also moved on without leaving any trace. Our past is kept alive only in our memory and we keep searching for it with open eyes. The problem is that as we kept living in the past we miss out so much in the present. New sunrises, changing color of skies, smiles of friends, and giggling of children. Despite our desire to be frozen in the past we cannot live there. Once we realize that past is dead never to be resurrected and move on our soul finds peace. Bury the past and move on.