Roaring Monsoon.

Latifabad, Hyderabad enveloped.

I am happy.

On tuesday ammi insisted, "go to Karachi, you need a break, I would take care of myself, don't worry about me." There Sam kept calling "come to Karachi, I am missing you, I have never missed you like that before, but it's upto you if you wanna come, but why don't you come, but keep your mood good, it's your choice, I am not pushing you, plan it na, come." So finally when two of the most important women in my life were asking for the same thing, I had no choice but to go and there I went. During the journey I was excited to see NL and Naveen and Sam. Mostly NL, she has become my darling and I was missing her like anything as Karachi was coming closer. When I reached NL was looking so cute in her new hair style
In the evening I went to Liberty books with Sam and her cousin who had come from Canada. She wanted that I choose some books for her. I selected Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho, Love in the time of Cholera by Gabriel Marquez and Immortality by Milan Kundera for her and gave one book by Karen Armstrong as a gift as well. I love book shops and I do not want to get out of them. When I pick a book I lightly touch the cover to have the feel and read the back cover to know what other say about it then I open the book and read the preface and then glance through the pages, read some lines and by this time I have a fair idea whether I want to purchase the book or not. There were many tempting titles but I kept my control as I didn't want to spend when I still have unfinished books. In the night I went to attend a wedding party. My relatives congratulated me on the new born but some of the them said InshAllah next time it would be a son. Like they were saying man don't worry better luck next time. Now why do people keep saying this to me. I am happy with two daughters. For me having children is itslef a blessing no matter one has boys or girls. I have got one assignment from a production house as well in Karachi. They want me to write a script of a travellogue on the historical and least known but exotic places in Sindh. Though they are paying me not much but I want to give it a go. I love walking in Karachi and the weather was marvellous during my stay. I had two long walks. So much is happening but best part is I am feeling elated and confident. After spending a refreshing time in Karachi I am back to my town across river Indus.

Never take a woman for granted.

Woman wants love...undivided attention, exclusive moments, appreciation of uniqueness, understanding of emotions and true listening. What she wants is a companion who absorbs her changing-mood-shocks and just be with her no matter how irrational she behaves because when woman loves it is not based on reason, it is based on emotions, feelings.
A man who gets the love of woman is the luckiest man in the world because the love of woman gives him the power to conquer the world, to follow his dreams and to march on all the fronts of life fearlessly. In the pursuit of his dreams a man should never forget the woman who loves him because if he takes her for granted he shatters her and this is not what a real man does.

Gain and Loss.

I went to the institute after receiving the call from MBA program coordinator. He wanted to talk on the remuneration for the subjects for next semester. Oh......something must have happened that forced him to call me because last time when he had talked he told me in a firm voice NO we couldn't pay you what you wanted. When I went there in the afternoon he asked me for a cup of tea and I said no. He wanted me to accept what they were offering but I was in no mood to compromise. Last semester they had to change four teachers for the subject that they had taken away from me. They wanted to give me the subject back but now I would not accept without their accepting my conditions. After trying his best and seeing me stubborn he finally said Ok, have your timetable. I felt good, really good inside. I was not unfair with them I was only asking what they were offering to the teachers from Karachi (though no teacher from Karachi accepted their offer). I told them I am no less a teacher in quality so why should I accept less.

After the deal when I went upstairs to collect the book I saw FS. She didn't meet me warmly and I asked what happened to you, are you angry or what? She said, " Don't you see it on my face, I am devastated." I asked what happened as I sat in the faculty enclosure for a cup of tea. He has broken the engagement three months back. I am missing him very much because today is my birthday, last year he was with me, I couldn’t bear the pain of breakup. I felt so bad for her, she was engaged with him for 5 years. I was looking for words to give her hope but all the words I thought looked hopeless. How could I give hope to a girl whose love has been shattered? She said I would never ever trust any man again. I hate men. Why did I trust him, she was regretting. I was sitting in front of her, listening to her. Soon other staff joined and she kept quiet. I managed to tell her that InshAllah next year when your birthday comes you will have what you want. It will be the birthday full of happiness. I told her about my new born, tried to make her happy, but I found she was lost in her world. My words were touching her ears but not making any effect on her heart. I realized the pain is severe and told her that you had a friend here whom you could share anything you want. I came home with mix feelings, I was happy that I got what I wanted as my remuneration but sad that FS fiancé had left her.

Silly...don't play with heart.

I had never experienced such a thing before but it happened to me lately, a shoot up in blood pressure. It was a silly thing to begin with but when the heat is on you do not recognize how silly you are behaving. I was under stress no doubt, Sam was in the hospital after the cesarean operation, I had not taken proper rest for two nights and financially I was feeling the crunch. In the hospital I was running up and down for medicines and also taking care of Sam because she needed me on her side more than anyone else. When I finally came home for a break a query about certain payment blew it all. I consider the query inappropriate for the time. I felt that no one cares for me and everyone cares only about payments and money.

I felt hurt and I told my heart not to feel well. I felt cold sweat on my forehead and a burden on my heart. My heart started behaving the way I wanted. I was surprised why it was following my mind. Suddenly it happened I had high blood pressure, first time in my life. Damn, why did I order my heart to act erratically. As my condition worsened, panic struck in my home. Baji called for the doctor and my poor mother started crying. I was feeling bad but now it was real. I was feeling a huge burden on my heart. Baji checked my blood pressure and it was 90/140. I was feeling so bad and ashamed. I was not feeling well but I couldn’t allow this to continue. I had to act fast. To calm them I said I was feeling fine. It's ok. No need for taking me to hospital, give me lots of water. I smiled, hugged my mother and told her I love you more than anyone in the world. I told my heart hey I am fine, you idiot, why you listened to me. It didn’t listen now. I kept feeling the pain. I kept quiet and thought of the new born, of Sam, of NL and of all the loved ones. Later on when my heartbeats got normal and I felt ok I went to hospital to see Sam.

Lesson: Never play with your heart. Think positively. Do not react. Control your emotions. Heart will follow what you will say. Take it easy.

Self talk: There is so much beauty in life and you are the most charming man around (I am pampering my heart and I know it very well). Money is no problem and you have to go a long way.

I am fine now but it was a terrible experience.

Unbroken connectivity of time and people.

Every moment is the end of an era and the beginning of the new one but it is not discernable to see where one ends and another begins. Story of each person's life continues, it is not like the movie with a happy or sad ending. There is no respite from the every day problems and stress. New challenges keep emerging. Ignoring the issues is merely a self deception. Ghalib said " moat say pehlay aadmi gham say nijaat paey kiyun/Before death how could a man get respite from grieves". In my opinion even after death there is the continuity. The children left behind, the unresloved problems of one's life, the impact of his actions or inertia continues his story even long after his death. Infact every person is the entry in the long novel that is called the history of world. You are bound to play the role according to the plot of your time. End is not known and beginning is obscure such is the stroy of world. The history of the world and the biographies of individuals are intertwined.
We cannot act outside the realm of present that is the outcome of the acts of individuals of the past and acts of today are shaping the future that will become the ground for action for future generations. Connectivity is unbroken. The realization that every moment is vital puts immense responsibility on each one of us for the better formation of future however our future does not depend on the outcome of our own actions but on the actions of millions of others as well. We just simply cannot remain oblivious of the thought and actions of the people around us and also we cannot shrug our own responsibility in building the future. More than six billion people are shaping the world of tomorrow. Six billion plus biographies = State of the world tomorrow.

Two 10th-Julys

I am blessed with a daughter on 10th of July at 1:30 pm. 10th of July is my birthday as well. Now what better gift I could get on this day. Love you Sam.

Maazi/Past

Mujhay maazi khenchta hai
nahin...mujhay tum khainchtay ho
kiyunki mera mazi tum hi to ho.

Past pulls me....
nay....you pull me.
because my past is you.
-----------------------------------------

"jism agay barh gaya......rooh peechay rah gai
body moved on and the soul was left behind"

Moon

Last night while walking in the street I saw moon peeping between the minaret and a tree. I thought what a photograph it would be. At the same time I felt as if moon was saying to me, "it is only your view that catches me sometimes between a minaret and a tree, sometimes behind the branches of tree, sometimes just above the horizon, sometimes over the desert and sometimes between two of your fingers. For me all of your angles of view are meaningless because I travel in the vast expanse of universe. I am the same at this moment but thousands of my different poses from all over the world may be taken depending on the viewers. Your imagination captures me otherwise I am free beyond your reach."
With these thoughts in my mind as I moved forward I saw moon in a different light, it was soaring high, shining in the cloudless sky, proud and aloof. I extended my hand to catch it but couldn't.

Finally it rained.

Finally last evening it rained heavily after a dust storm. The electricity went off immediately and didn't come back till morning. I recieved a call from my nephew and brother in law who had returned from a trip to China. My nephew was full of praise for China. He said , " Dubai is nothing as compared to Shanghai. China is far far ahead". He is a teenager and I consider him lucky to have visited foreign countries at this young age. What he has learnt in few days of travelling equals a year of learning from books only. After talking to them the traveller in me became restless. When will I go to far away places? When will my time come? Perhaps as soon as I just go without thinking much. Just go. I will go by train to Beijng from Kashgar after reaching Kashgar via Karakoram highway. A long journey. I will take that journey.
Coming back to the present the weather is pleasant here. It is cloudy. I hope the electricity will not fail for long time periods and I will feel at peace with myself.

Hugo Chavez

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela is the most vocal critic of the "American imperialism". I am following the rise of Hugo Chavez with interest. His speech at AU summit in Gambia in West Africa is testimony to his courage and it is heartening to see that there are leaders in the world who could challenge the US openly. Later in his visit he talked to reporters. The excerpts of his talk are given below.

"Europe and the United States should apologize to Africa for the cruelties of slavery."

"Both Africa and Latin America had been blighted by slavery and colonialism for centuries, to the benefit of Europe and North America. Africa is still weeping ... and Europe does not recognize it. Europe should apologize, get on its knees and apologize. They should lower their European arrogance and say sorry, as, one day, North America should apologize."

"The powerful nations will continue to dictate to us via multinational companies and neo-liberal economic policy, and if we cannot resist this neo-colonialism, we will be crushed."

"No to the Pax Americana. No to Superman. No to the American Empire. No to the American way of life. No. That is the way to hell."

"The United States said again yesterday that Venezuela does not qualify for a seat. With what authority does the imperialist government of the United States decide who should sit on the U.N. Security Council?"

"If there was real democracy in the world, the U.S. government would be placed under administration because it is a government of the United States that ignores the democracy of its people and ignores democracy in the world: it invades countries, murders and bombs cities."

Do we have any one leader in Pakistani government who could shout, "The king is naked"?

main hi kiyun?

ishq ishq
sehra sehra
kante kante
kucch bhi nahin
per teray siwa
qadam bekhud, badan gard alood, dil be-qarar
sab dhoka hai
per yeh aagahi, ik saza hai
main hi kiyun?