Journey to self

Sometimes it felt that we have left behind ourselves so far that it is not worth an attempt to look back to find ourselves. The fear is that we would not be able to find a trace of our lost self and the desolate empty road would make our journey more depressing than it already is. The fear that time has constructed an impenetrable wall between the self that we lost and the hollow self we now possess stops us to try to search for our real being. The fear has stopped me to write because in my heart I know I can find myself through writing. Writing would lead me to trace my self that I had lost in the past. Writings would lead me to future where I will be able to find myself that I lost in the past. Past and future are meaningless if we know that our present is full and we are in equilibrium.

Originality: A rare trait

It has been a wonderfully interesting day. I was part of the panel for taking interviews of students in a business school. I was looking for focused students who know what they want from life. I did not want those students who were pursuing the field because their parents want them to do so or because they didn't get enough marks to get admission in the field of their choice. I was also looking for the students who are aware what's happening in the world. At least I was expecting them to know who are the major players in the political, business and scientific worlds. I was also testing the students on world geography and to some extent world history. I found very few students who have been able to fulfill the criteria I had set them to get in. I was looking for highly ambitious, passionate, original and persistent students for selection. What I found that majority of the students were just following what their parents or environment has offered to them without trying to create their own world. I have to continue taking the interview all of this week and expect more bright students in upcoming days who would prove to be an exciting lot to teach in upcoming semester.

Secret of Success

We all know the secret of success. This paradoxical statement is true. It is the secret because we look at the successful people with awe but we all know for success what we need to do. The secret lies in discipline yourself so that we have a control over our impulses and vagaries of heart. How to make oneself bound with the tedious tasks for achieving a challenging goal. The details require perseverance because even if we have understood the conceptual framework and design the contours of overall plan it is meaningless until details are not acted upon. The change does come, the seasons do change, the plants do grow, the ideas do become reality but after following a routine. We human beings know the secret of success that is "to discipline ourselves" but the attraction of getting instant gratification is too powerful for us to resist and we give in to the temptation of relishing what our heart wants instantly. Of course here I do not mean not to have fun or enjoyment, what I mean is not to leave the task which needs to be done at that moment because than the path to success will be lost, however if you do stick to the task, no matter how much you have to drag yourself to complete the task, you will have a sense of relief and fulfillment that can only be felt by successful people.

Making it happen!!

I saw a dream in the wee hours of morning
Flying high in the sky speeding towards heaven
Not the heaven that exists beyond the terrestrial
My destination was the garden that was real
Nestled in the mountains whose summits were frozen
To be there and lost, my heart had chosen
I told you my dream and what my heart has desired
Lets be there and do whatever is required
My heart leaped abound that it may happen
I spent time with you in my fantastic heaven

Writing not talking.

I will not talk and whatever I have to say I will write or in other words my fingers will do the talk through typing. It has been written by many writers that there is a connectivity between our brain and fingers and when we write its like emptying our cerebral glass on a sheet of paper so that we can get new ideas to think and act upon. I have also experienced the same thing. When I start to write and empty my mind of the existing thoughts by placing them on the piece of paper I feel as if I am turning intangibles into tangibles, a mass into something concrete. Something pushes me to keep writing once I start. What is that something, the pressure comes from where? I guess it is the unleashed power of words that forces the writer to write. Its like the flow of water, once the tap is opened each drop of water wants to come out, no stopping and what we see is the accumulation of written words. The flow of words cannot be left unguarded. You cannot leave them in the fuzzy state as they were in your mind. I guess the articulating attribute of writing makes it a creative process and once we are done we feel relieved as if a heavy burden is offloaded. We cannot jettison the burden' we have to place it with care as if we are putting a fragile flask on the table. I have talked so much and thrown away my words all around that I feel as if I have squandered my wealth without gaining any return on it. My mouth has to be shut and my brain has to learn to talk via writing more often than not.

It was about to rain
what is left is just pain
all my hopes have gone in vain
all clouds vanished without rain

Why I kept my hopes so high?
I believed in you that's why
"You said, "No one knows you better than I"
I long for your company and you said good bye

My eyes are looking at the cloudless sky
Oh God give me wings so that I can fly
and only touch the ground and lie
Where I can always find you near by

Just relax!!

Its early morning in Karachi and I can hear the chattering of birds. The sky has turned blue and the sun is about to rise. I slept for just 5 hours in the night and now I have to go to attend the official function at 8:30. I have to take bath, get ready and go. I want to come back by 2pm. I want to take rest, relax and enjoy. I love it.

Kuch khayal aya hai.....

khushion ki talash main gham sehtay hain
Kaisi be wafa dunya main hum rehtay hain

paliya hai raaz un say dosti karnay ka
jo sunna chahtay hain woh hum kehtay hain

bhool gai woh hamain chalo koi baat nahin
hum konsay unki yaad main her dam rehtay hain

is khayal say hojata hai assan dushwar safar
manzil main bas ..do char qadam rehtay hain

jo ho but shikan dikhao torkay hamara dil
hamray dil main bhi hazar sanam rehtay hain

dil aisa ke ho jaisay regzaar e be aab
ab to aansoo bhi hamarayy be nam rehtay hain

aas, yaas, piyaas, woh ban gai sahme udas
us say mulaqat pay hum ik nazm kehtay hain

alfaaz key chunao main kahin der na hojay
jo dil ko lagay sach, hum aik dam kehtay hain

Beautiful Moment

It was a beautiful moment when she clutched your hand tightly. Obviously she was scared and in pain and without hesitation she hold your hand to feel secure, protected and supported. You smiled at her gesture and let her hold your hand. Two hands together bound by trust. What made her reach your hand? You were not known to her for long yet she spontaneously got hold of your hand as if you were her best friend.The essence of the moment was believe in humanity. During that moment I found out two things.First you have a generous heart and second .......will tell you some other time.

Don't ask me "How much I love you?"

When you ask me How much I love you....you put me in a difficult position
How could I sperate you from me and weigh the love I have for you
its like asking a living person how much breathing is worth for you
To know the real worth one has to stop breathing and then it becomes suffocating and brings death few breaths away
So when I try to evaluate my love for you
I have to see you as distinct from my self from my soul from my being
and then I feel stale, banal, insipid and mundane
How much I love you..can't tell but know one thing without your love oozing from my heart , I will be an arid zone- parched and barren.

Life

It was not in my hand to cling to the past the pull of the future was too much I had to let it go, let it slip away It recedes to oblivion but it doesn't give up its sway I am present in the present but my heart is in past in my dreams I see things that didn't last From the ruins of yesterdays I build today Though I know I will move to another tomorrow someday This is life tempting, tormenting and transient For my solace this understanding is sufficient

Strange dream

In a dream I saw talking to someone saying that this earth is not the real earth and we are living in a specious planet on the periphery of the universe. Real earth is billions of light years away on the other side of the universe. Strange!!

It will come.....

there around the corner...
when silence rules....
when you can hear the beat of your heart.......
when stars speak...
when air whispers...
when time stops moving...

you feel you are not alone
someone is there
someone with you
who shares these moments
who smiles at your beliwilderment
at your innocence

that some one is no one...but your love.

It will come...unannounced and take you away.

I want to be with me.

Do me a favor, just leave me alone
to breath fresh air in a world of my own

Let me dwell in the silence of my heart
Where time doesn't exist and I am not apart

My soul is wounded, it needs a healing touch
Few quite moments,I am not asking for much

O desert, O river do attend my call
rocks,lakes,and sea I miss you all

Inevitable Change.

Why am I pulled by the thoughts of past whenever I go to sleep? Why is it so that my past never stops following me? Why do I keep thinking about the cracks that existed in some of my important relationships? Why can't I overcome this? Losses, losses, losses when will the flow of losses cease? Why am I the slave of my impulses? Why I cannot rein my self? Why I keep always thinking that wrongs have been done to me? Why, why, why, why, why, why?????? Oh!! I feel overwhelmed but should I behave like this? No, and I know I shouldn't. I know all the answers but I don't want to admit it. All of my sharp edges have been exposed. The big task ahead. So much to do. I have to do. I will have to do. Oh, my world is changing. I have to accept it. Life is changing. I have led myself too far away, I have to find the road towards my destination. I know what to do. I will prevail. I will have to, I have no other choice. I shall return.

Milton Friedman and teaching.

Today I watched the lectures, Q&A sessions and interviews of Milton Friedman on Youtube. If I say I was impressed by his knowledge, power of arguments and control it would be an understatement as Friedman was no ordinary person but one of the most influential economists of all times, proponent of free market economy, defender of capitalism as a necessary (not sufficient) system for development. He was lauded by many as a remarkable teacher and when I heard this I felt very good that being a teacher was not considered any less qualification than say economist. I know that teaching is a noble profession but through out my career as a teacher I have been asked pinching questions why I chose to become a teacher (thanks those who were asking these questions didn't question my volition for teaching profession) when I could otherwise had gone to join any MNC. Here I see the praise for Friedman as teacher and feel sky is the limit. What pulls me towards teaching is a continuous exchange of ideas in classrooms between students and teacher. What I like best is the interaction with hundreds of new students every year and making connection with them on the basis of knowledge. Understanding of each student to a level where he or she can understand the current theory and then challenge it in a way where I can see the student is applying his or her thinking skills. I try to keep it simple. When I say simple it means I want to communicate the crux of the theory in as simple way as possible and when theory is understood I try to give examples from the daily life or better I ask students to give examples from their own experiences. Even a joke is not out of the point if it helps in understanding the idea. Sometimes I start with examples and then give theory later on. The objective is to talk, communicate and reach to the students in a language that they understand. Teaching is intertwined with art of communication and at the heart of communication lies understanding of the audience and you cannot understand them until you get out of your own insecurities and you can get out of your own insecurities only if you know truly what you are talking about. Knowledge is power and it makes you humble as you know that being humble doesn't mean being weak and on the contrary being bullish or aggressive means something is lacking that you want to hide in the posture of being intimidating. If you can listen to the questions patiently that means you are giving your audience respect and you know you are confident to give the answer even sometimes the right answer may be " I don't know". I never heard Friedman saying " I don't know" ( he might have said it, but the videos I watched in that he never said" but what I heard was always a confident, in depth and passionate answer.

Self Talk..

Ok, I know it has been a challenging and difficult time you are spending now days. So what!! It has to be in this way. After all you have enjoyed the luxury of following your dreams. So why blame your failures on those who have not been understanding towards you. Stop acting like a child. You know this is not a mature way to deal with the challenges you face, to sort out the mess you create. Why do you ask so much from those who love you? Don't put them in such a situation lest they start doubting your ability to tackle problems. This is life. Don't think that life was ever meant to be straightforward and predictable. It doesn't work this way. Take charge, be responsible and act.Hey Man!!! you know you have all the resources to stun the world with your success. Don't shy away from it!!

Forgive oneself.

Let the past die or slip away
each moment as it passes, passes away
where does it survive? only in our memory
and we keep some moments alive by reliving it
the worst or best of the moments
we relive our tortures more often than our pleasures
why do we punish ourselves
we punish ourselves because we feel we have committed great sins
we become our own judge
we do not have mercy on ourselves and we keep punishing ourselves by reliving those moments when we felt betrayed, insulted, tortured, manipulated, forgotten, ignored, and then we say that it was all due to our sins , our faults, the human errs, why not leave the moments in the past and live the life anew
recreate oneself
love is the healer
forgive oneself and move ahead
live, feel the breath of life
and feel the birth of new moment each moment.

Feeling at home.

Well, after spending five days in Karachi, I am back to Hyderabad. What a reception I got on my return, wow!! My two little princesses jumped in jubilation as they saw my entering home. I was exhilarated.In the night we all went for a walk. It was quite dark as the electricity was off due to load shedding. The southern sky was in front of us full of twinkling stars. We walked very slowly as our little princesses were with us taking small steps. Its quiet here and I am at home, physically as well as mentally.

An art to create beautiful relationships.

A little care goes a long way in keeping the relationships vibrant. A little thought, a gesture, a beautiful word, an act of kindness, a compliment or a touch of understanding requires not much time but a sincere moment of thinking exclusively about the person who is important in your life. It is an art to create a beautiful relationship.