Cold nights

Cold nights challenge me to dare out and feel their raw chill. I want to spend a night over the top of an arid mountain in Kirthar range. When cold freezes me I will take refuge in a cave and lit the fire and wait for the sun to come out.

Sunny Serene Sky

After Monday's thunderous rain Hyderabad's sky is sunny once again.
I love the colour of sky.

Timeless purity

Many will be sending you the messages to wish you happy birthday but they don't know you were born at the time when the stars were born billions of years ago. The glimmer in your eyes is similar to the glitter of heavenly diamonds in a pitch black cloudless night. Your purity is timeless and originality is intact just as the purity of stars is untouched and unmolested.

Emotions and words

She said, "I am good at words for emotions". If you are good at words for emotions you are a poet. We usually fumble and lose our way in the labyrinth of expressing our emotions. To be good in expressing ones emotions is an art because I think one is considered good in expressing the feelings if he/she is able to make other understand the feelings as well, if you are able to do so then certainly you are eloquent and you do not need to be an orator because the skill you possess is rare.

Delhi in my dream

I dreamed of Delhi last night. It was an old part of Delhi having high rise but old palaces and the tombs of saints. While passing through a street I heard someone saying to his younger brother give niaz of 2 annas for a wali but not of 4 annas, his brother replied "aftab" (aftab meant in my dream ok though actually it means "Sun"). I travelled like a wanderer on foot and thought that one day when I actually visit Dilli (let me call Delhi as Dilli as it gives the feelings of belonging) I would find these places so I tried to remember the details of the monuments.

Elegant beauty

If you were born 100 years ago you would be living in a secluded room of a Haveli in a city along river Ganges. Only your eyes could be seen from the small window of your room. Thanks God you were not born at that time and now I can see your elegant beauty unhindered.

Unaiza Nasim: In the line of duty...

Unaiza Nasim: In the line of duty...

Deciphering My Emotions.

Fiction
The difficulty to understand the nature of my emotions has not barred me to look deep inside myself and get a feeling of my emotions. I see a rampant flow of passion gushing out from my heart to inundate the target of my emotions. I am awed by the sheer power of my passion and admit the target of my emotions would be terrified to be swept away in the amorous flood yet I believe when it is over the target of my emotions would have been satiated up to the hilt. This is what I believe; what if when emotions subside I find the target of my emotions in the battered condition? What if instead of being satiated the target of my emotions is devastated? What should I do? Keep the check on my emotions and devoid the target of my emotions of the most gratifying experience of becoming the center of undivided attention of a passionate being. No I cannot go against my nature: this is the message I get from my emotions.

Anew Love Story

"The following passage is a piece of fiction."

In an alien land of your exile I want to cross your path in a murky evening as a stranger to start the love story which never began though it could have begun had I known how to begin love stories when we met for the first time. Do you know you taught me indirectly how to begin love stories? Of course you did all instinctively but through your actions I learn the instincts of woman. You became my learning ground for understanding woman for which I am indebted to you. It has been many years since I last saw you and during this time I have met hundreds of women and refined on my initial learning and I consider myself now experienced enough to begin the love story that never began with you. The story that will begin now has a plot, the title is love story but there is no love, it is a story of calculated moves in which you will have what you always wanted: hope and anxiety, excitement and boredom, victories and defeats, certainty and uncertainty a complete course in falling in love. Finally after a long quest you will get what you wanted attributing the victory to your unflinching power of love. At that moment I will smile on the naivety of my acts and foolishness of my efforts to win your heart when we met for the first time.

Mound of the Dead

On the second day of Eid I visited Moen Jo Daro with my mathematics teacher of school days. The ruins of Moen Jo Daro or Mound of the Dead lie 300 km north of Hyderabad on the banks of river Indus. The purpose of the visit was to see the genius of the people of Indus valley civilization that existed between 2500-1500 BC. After a journey of over 4 hours when we reached MJD we found a huge number of people visiting the place to enjoy the Eid holidays. My mathematics teacher was conducting a research to show the mathematical advancement of the dwellers of MJD and the use of mathematics in the construction of their city. My teacher said that people of MJD were far advanced in mathematics and the Greeks had learnt most of the mathematical concepts from the people of Indus valley civilization. He pointed to the number of wells of different sizes in MJD and told that it was likely these people knew the use of Pi to make wedge shaped bricks to construct these wells. After spending 3 hours on the site we returned back to Hyderabad just after dusk. On the way back my teacher told me about many links between Indus valley and Greece. There are many words common in Sindhi (language of the land of MJD) and Greek. It was a learning of high class and a holiday well spent.

Lonely victory

Fiercely ambitious people crush every one who comes in their way. For them every interaction is an opportunity to further their own interests. They see the world as if it exists only for them. They want all relationships to serve their purpose. Their purpose is to reach the heights where no one is above them. In the pursuit of their goal they destroy many lives and at the end what they get is loneliness at the peak of the mountain. This mountain is made up by the heaps of tormented people. Who are these people? They are the ones whom they had called their friends and loved ones. A lonely victory is the end of every ambitious man's story.

Poverty and Peace

"Lasting peace cannot be achieved unless large population groups find ways in which to break out of poverty”, this was stated by Nobel Peace Prize committee as it awarded this year Nobel Prize for Peace to Muhammad Yunus of Grameen Bank. The above statement is the statement for hope for the world. Muhammad Yunus has transformed the traditional banking sector by providing small credit to poor especially poor women without asking for any collateral. The Nobel Prize is the recognition of the role of Grameen Bank and its founder in the promotion of peace by eliminating one of the major causes of war: poverty. Nobel committee has shown to the world that war or absence of peace is caused by economic reason. I appreciate the decision of the Nobel Committee mainly because it highlights the relationship between poverty and war.

The wide gap in the standard of living that exists between poor and rich creates ill will among the poor towards rich. The poor of the world see the world resources have been monopolized by few rich nations and these rich nations plunder the resources of poor countries through regimes run by kings, generals and other despots. Wherever there is anarchy the root cause will be economic injustice. If the world resources are shared on equitable basis the ever-elusive world peace is achievable by mankind. “

Women all around

My younger sister when she came yesterday said to me, "Bhaijan I have observed that it's all women around you". I smiled and replied, " I am very lucky". At that time these were the women present and I was the only man.

a. Mother
b. Wife
c. 2 daughters.
d. 3 Studnets (all girls).
e. 2 housemaids.
f.1 sister
g. 1 niece.

MashAllah :)

Roller coaster

I am flawed, erratic and moody
yet you hold my hand all along
not knowing where I would lead you
sometimes we soar as if never to fall
when I become quiet, you wait for my call
my life is like a roller coaster
Love entered in my life when I stopped being perfect
and it was then you told me " I love to ride on a roller coaster."

Analysis of Pope Benedict Speech

There is an uproar in the Islamic world on the speech made by Pope Benedict in which he has quoted a Byzantine King who said "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
I was aghast at the use of malicious quotation by Pope and thought why would he say such a thing in the time when the world is already in turmoil due to religious intolerance. To understand the motive behind his speech I read its full text. Here is my analysis.

1. The objective of the Pope in the speech was to invite non-practicing Christians back to the religion of Christianity. He pleaded them the case of religion (Christianity) that had lost its central position among Europeans.
2. The strategy he adopted to achieve the objective was first to malign Islam by quoting the Byzantine King who was humiliated by Turks throughout his life. Then he portrayed Islam as a religion in which there is no place of logic. Why did he malign Islam? To get a soft corner in the heart of the audiences who in these times consider Islamic fundamentalism the greatest threat to the secular civilization of Europe.
3. Next he quoted from Bible that Logos (Logic and word) is God. This quotation was to appeal to the secular audience, who are adherent of the logic and followers of science.
4. He then said the Church and Greek Philosophy have never been at odds essentially. (This was important because audience identify themselves with Greek Philosophy, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and not with church.)
5. He quoted a Muslim philosopher Ibn Hazn who said, "God is not bound even by his own word, and that nothing would oblige him to reveal the truth to us. Were it God's will, we would even have to practice idolatry. " Now here he tried to discredit Islam through this quotation as a religion in which God is not oblige to reveal the truth.
6.Then he tried to detach the modern Catholic Church from the past in which Church itself was the greatest impediment in the path of enlightenment and logic.
7. He then appealed that religion must not be excluded from the realm of logic and the Europe that wants to engage in the dialogue with other civilizations/religions must do so as Christian Europe because there is no conflict in the Christian faith and the values of secular Europe.

The points mentioned above show the position of a man whose institution has lost its ground long time ago and he is trying his best to reclaim the central position for the institution he represents and to do so he used Islam that is indeed sad and dangerous.
How should Muslims react? Muslims should not involve themselves in violent protests. The Muslims should involve themselves in intellectual debate. In universities and in media the Islamic scholars must respond to the misinformation that exists about Islam in Europe through historical facts.

Indus View: Latifabad, Hyderabad, Sindh.

No.

That was a moment when I felt all alone, left out in the middle, abondened under the scorching sun in a city of chaos and mayhem. I had two choices either to crumble down and crack under the pressure of that ominous moment or to lick my wounds and without wasting time in lamenting the fate carry on to do what I was upto. I selected the later choice. I didn't allow that moment to suppress my will and write me off. As I withstood that moment everything started to click. Unknown forces came to my help. Strangers became friends and blind curves opened new vistas for me. I didn't do much except saying NO to that moment that was asking me to surrender, that was trying to numb my senses, that was forcing me to withdraw from the game of life.

In wilderness.

I am shining, I am glowing, I am dancing, I am flying, I am flowing in wilderness.
I long for you O my love.
Shine, glow, dance, fly and flow with me.
Give meaning to my existence.

Call of my heart.

The tranquility of mind depends on the clarity of purpose. What is the purpose of living? Do we have time to think about it? Do we really make a delibrate decision about it?I doubt. What is the purpose of my life? It is an enormous question. I have defined certain goals for my life but I cannot say "this" is the purpose of my life. I want to know myself, my abilities, my potential and work on that. I want to be "Me". Without considering how old I am, what qualifications I possess, how much money I have I want to answer the call of my heart. My heart tells me to love. To love what is around you. How to love? It is a difficult question. I think when I put aside my own biases and take the thing as it is it reveals its beauty and then I could love that. Human beings fascinate me most. I want to reach the real inside the person. I want to peel off the layers subtly of the person and see the real one. The beauty is inside. What I have found is that all human beings are vulnerable to fall in love. They cover themselves up. These covers are the protection against the intruders whom they cannot trust. I want to shed their fear and see through. To see the real one. The greatest joy I get is when someone trusts me and I uphold the trust. The greatest sorrow is to break that trust. I love to reach the heart of other human being and handle it with care. I want to listen and understand. I want to love and be loved. My thirst for love is never quenched. The stream of my love is never dried. We are all different apparently but deep down we are all same. We all crave for love.

Two Valleys

In the valley of Indus it is dusk and I am returning home
on the western horizon it is all red
cool air is kissing my cheeks
it has just been rained,
"Life is beautiful", says my heart,
In no time my thoughts travel to a far away land
there too, the sky is red, but the color is of blood
there too, it has rained, but the rain of bombs
I think of a man who has no home to return
the cool air has kissed his cheeks but it carries the message of chilling death
Now my heart says, " Life is beautiful but I can't rejoice until there is peace in the valley of Bekaa.".

I am looking.

Look, I am looking.
Looking at something?
No.
Looking for something?
No.
Looking into something?
Yes.
What are you looking into?
Into your heart through your eyes.
What did you find there?
An ocean.
Ocean...? What's in the ocean?
Your love for me.

Mumbai and Qana

Many Indian bloggers support the Israeli attack on Lebanon.

Mumbai, India.........Innocent train commuters killed in bomb blasts.
Qana, Lebanon.........Innocent Labanese civilians are killed by the Israeli war planes' bombings.

Is there any difference between the blood of Mumbai victims and Qana victims?

I don't see any difference. Nor do I see any difference between the blood of civilians killed in Northern Israel and those killed in Gaza on every day basis by Israel.

I urge my Indian friends not to support Israel in its ruthless campaign that is destroying Lebanon and causing deaths to civilians.

Roaring Monsoon.

Latifabad, Hyderabad enveloped.

I am happy.

On tuesday ammi insisted, "go to Karachi, you need a break, I would take care of myself, don't worry about me." There Sam kept calling "come to Karachi, I am missing you, I have never missed you like that before, but it's upto you if you wanna come, but why don't you come, but keep your mood good, it's your choice, I am not pushing you, plan it na, come." So finally when two of the most important women in my life were asking for the same thing, I had no choice but to go and there I went. During the journey I was excited to see NL and Naveen and Sam. Mostly NL, she has become my darling and I was missing her like anything as Karachi was coming closer. When I reached NL was looking so cute in her new hair style
In the evening I went to Liberty books with Sam and her cousin who had come from Canada. She wanted that I choose some books for her. I selected Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho, Love in the time of Cholera by Gabriel Marquez and Immortality by Milan Kundera for her and gave one book by Karen Armstrong as a gift as well. I love book shops and I do not want to get out of them. When I pick a book I lightly touch the cover to have the feel and read the back cover to know what other say about it then I open the book and read the preface and then glance through the pages, read some lines and by this time I have a fair idea whether I want to purchase the book or not. There were many tempting titles but I kept my control as I didn't want to spend when I still have unfinished books. In the night I went to attend a wedding party. My relatives congratulated me on the new born but some of the them said InshAllah next time it would be a son. Like they were saying man don't worry better luck next time. Now why do people keep saying this to me. I am happy with two daughters. For me having children is itslef a blessing no matter one has boys or girls. I have got one assignment from a production house as well in Karachi. They want me to write a script of a travellogue on the historical and least known but exotic places in Sindh. Though they are paying me not much but I want to give it a go. I love walking in Karachi and the weather was marvellous during my stay. I had two long walks. So much is happening but best part is I am feeling elated and confident. After spending a refreshing time in Karachi I am back to my town across river Indus.

Never take a woman for granted.

Woman wants love...undivided attention, exclusive moments, appreciation of uniqueness, understanding of emotions and true listening. What she wants is a companion who absorbs her changing-mood-shocks and just be with her no matter how irrational she behaves because when woman loves it is not based on reason, it is based on emotions, feelings.
A man who gets the love of woman is the luckiest man in the world because the love of woman gives him the power to conquer the world, to follow his dreams and to march on all the fronts of life fearlessly. In the pursuit of his dreams a man should never forget the woman who loves him because if he takes her for granted he shatters her and this is not what a real man does.

Gain and Loss.

I went to the institute after receiving the call from MBA program coordinator. He wanted to talk on the remuneration for the subjects for next semester. Oh......something must have happened that forced him to call me because last time when he had talked he told me in a firm voice NO we couldn't pay you what you wanted. When I went there in the afternoon he asked me for a cup of tea and I said no. He wanted me to accept what they were offering but I was in no mood to compromise. Last semester they had to change four teachers for the subject that they had taken away from me. They wanted to give me the subject back but now I would not accept without their accepting my conditions. After trying his best and seeing me stubborn he finally said Ok, have your timetable. I felt good, really good inside. I was not unfair with them I was only asking what they were offering to the teachers from Karachi (though no teacher from Karachi accepted their offer). I told them I am no less a teacher in quality so why should I accept less.

After the deal when I went upstairs to collect the book I saw FS. She didn't meet me warmly and I asked what happened to you, are you angry or what? She said, " Don't you see it on my face, I am devastated." I asked what happened as I sat in the faculty enclosure for a cup of tea. He has broken the engagement three months back. I am missing him very much because today is my birthday, last year he was with me, I couldn’t bear the pain of breakup. I felt so bad for her, she was engaged with him for 5 years. I was looking for words to give her hope but all the words I thought looked hopeless. How could I give hope to a girl whose love has been shattered? She said I would never ever trust any man again. I hate men. Why did I trust him, she was regretting. I was sitting in front of her, listening to her. Soon other staff joined and she kept quiet. I managed to tell her that InshAllah next year when your birthday comes you will have what you want. It will be the birthday full of happiness. I told her about my new born, tried to make her happy, but I found she was lost in her world. My words were touching her ears but not making any effect on her heart. I realized the pain is severe and told her that you had a friend here whom you could share anything you want. I came home with mix feelings, I was happy that I got what I wanted as my remuneration but sad that FS fiancé had left her.

Silly...don't play with heart.

I had never experienced such a thing before but it happened to me lately, a shoot up in blood pressure. It was a silly thing to begin with but when the heat is on you do not recognize how silly you are behaving. I was under stress no doubt, Sam was in the hospital after the cesarean operation, I had not taken proper rest for two nights and financially I was feeling the crunch. In the hospital I was running up and down for medicines and also taking care of Sam because she needed me on her side more than anyone else. When I finally came home for a break a query about certain payment blew it all. I consider the query inappropriate for the time. I felt that no one cares for me and everyone cares only about payments and money.

I felt hurt and I told my heart not to feel well. I felt cold sweat on my forehead and a burden on my heart. My heart started behaving the way I wanted. I was surprised why it was following my mind. Suddenly it happened I had high blood pressure, first time in my life. Damn, why did I order my heart to act erratically. As my condition worsened, panic struck in my home. Baji called for the doctor and my poor mother started crying. I was feeling bad but now it was real. I was feeling a huge burden on my heart. Baji checked my blood pressure and it was 90/140. I was feeling so bad and ashamed. I was not feeling well but I couldn’t allow this to continue. I had to act fast. To calm them I said I was feeling fine. It's ok. No need for taking me to hospital, give me lots of water. I smiled, hugged my mother and told her I love you more than anyone in the world. I told my heart hey I am fine, you idiot, why you listened to me. It didn’t listen now. I kept feeling the pain. I kept quiet and thought of the new born, of Sam, of NL and of all the loved ones. Later on when my heartbeats got normal and I felt ok I went to hospital to see Sam.

Lesson: Never play with your heart. Think positively. Do not react. Control your emotions. Heart will follow what you will say. Take it easy.

Self talk: There is so much beauty in life and you are the most charming man around (I am pampering my heart and I know it very well). Money is no problem and you have to go a long way.

I am fine now but it was a terrible experience.

Unbroken connectivity of time and people.

Every moment is the end of an era and the beginning of the new one but it is not discernable to see where one ends and another begins. Story of each person's life continues, it is not like the movie with a happy or sad ending. There is no respite from the every day problems and stress. New challenges keep emerging. Ignoring the issues is merely a self deception. Ghalib said " moat say pehlay aadmi gham say nijaat paey kiyun/Before death how could a man get respite from grieves". In my opinion even after death there is the continuity. The children left behind, the unresloved problems of one's life, the impact of his actions or inertia continues his story even long after his death. Infact every person is the entry in the long novel that is called the history of world. You are bound to play the role according to the plot of your time. End is not known and beginning is obscure such is the stroy of world. The history of the world and the biographies of individuals are intertwined.
We cannot act outside the realm of present that is the outcome of the acts of individuals of the past and acts of today are shaping the future that will become the ground for action for future generations. Connectivity is unbroken. The realization that every moment is vital puts immense responsibility on each one of us for the better formation of future however our future does not depend on the outcome of our own actions but on the actions of millions of others as well. We just simply cannot remain oblivious of the thought and actions of the people around us and also we cannot shrug our own responsibility in building the future. More than six billion people are shaping the world of tomorrow. Six billion plus biographies = State of the world tomorrow.

Two 10th-Julys

I am blessed with a daughter on 10th of July at 1:30 pm. 10th of July is my birthday as well. Now what better gift I could get on this day. Love you Sam.

Maazi/Past

Mujhay maazi khenchta hai
nahin...mujhay tum khainchtay ho
kiyunki mera mazi tum hi to ho.

Past pulls me....
nay....you pull me.
because my past is you.
-----------------------------------------

"jism agay barh gaya......rooh peechay rah gai
body moved on and the soul was left behind"

Moon

Last night while walking in the street I saw moon peeping between the minaret and a tree. I thought what a photograph it would be. At the same time I felt as if moon was saying to me, "it is only your view that catches me sometimes between a minaret and a tree, sometimes behind the branches of tree, sometimes just above the horizon, sometimes over the desert and sometimes between two of your fingers. For me all of your angles of view are meaningless because I travel in the vast expanse of universe. I am the same at this moment but thousands of my different poses from all over the world may be taken depending on the viewers. Your imagination captures me otherwise I am free beyond your reach."
With these thoughts in my mind as I moved forward I saw moon in a different light, it was soaring high, shining in the cloudless sky, proud and aloof. I extended my hand to catch it but couldn't.

Finally it rained.

Finally last evening it rained heavily after a dust storm. The electricity went off immediately and didn't come back till morning. I recieved a call from my nephew and brother in law who had returned from a trip to China. My nephew was full of praise for China. He said , " Dubai is nothing as compared to Shanghai. China is far far ahead". He is a teenager and I consider him lucky to have visited foreign countries at this young age. What he has learnt in few days of travelling equals a year of learning from books only. After talking to them the traveller in me became restless. When will I go to far away places? When will my time come? Perhaps as soon as I just go without thinking much. Just go. I will go by train to Beijng from Kashgar after reaching Kashgar via Karakoram highway. A long journey. I will take that journey.
Coming back to the present the weather is pleasant here. It is cloudy. I hope the electricity will not fail for long time periods and I will feel at peace with myself.

Hugo Chavez

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela is the most vocal critic of the "American imperialism". I am following the rise of Hugo Chavez with interest. His speech at AU summit in Gambia in West Africa is testimony to his courage and it is heartening to see that there are leaders in the world who could challenge the US openly. Later in his visit he talked to reporters. The excerpts of his talk are given below.

"Europe and the United States should apologize to Africa for the cruelties of slavery."

"Both Africa and Latin America had been blighted by slavery and colonialism for centuries, to the benefit of Europe and North America. Africa is still weeping ... and Europe does not recognize it. Europe should apologize, get on its knees and apologize. They should lower their European arrogance and say sorry, as, one day, North America should apologize."

"The powerful nations will continue to dictate to us via multinational companies and neo-liberal economic policy, and if we cannot resist this neo-colonialism, we will be crushed."

"No to the Pax Americana. No to Superman. No to the American Empire. No to the American way of life. No. That is the way to hell."

"The United States said again yesterday that Venezuela does not qualify for a seat. With what authority does the imperialist government of the United States decide who should sit on the U.N. Security Council?"

"If there was real democracy in the world, the U.S. government would be placed under administration because it is a government of the United States that ignores the democracy of its people and ignores democracy in the world: it invades countries, murders and bombs cities."

Do we have any one leader in Pakistani government who could shout, "The king is naked"?

main hi kiyun?

ishq ishq
sehra sehra
kante kante
kucch bhi nahin
per teray siwa
qadam bekhud, badan gard alood, dil be-qarar
sab dhoka hai
per yeh aagahi, ik saza hai
main hi kiyun?

Dusk....time to fly home!!

Dusk at Latifabad, Hyderabad.
Taken from the roof of my home.

Roots, values and contribution.

Who am I? What are the values of my family? What is important and what is superficial? What will be my contribution? What will be my legacy?

1. I belong to Bhatti, Rajput clan of Jaislamer, Rajasthan, India.
2. I am 21st descendant of Alf Khan Bhatti (Ala Singh) who embraced Islam in 14th century inspired by the teachings of Chishti Sufiyas of Ajmair.
3. My ancestors 400 years back migrated from Jaislamer and settled in Mahendragarh, (Kanod), East Punjab (Now in Haryana), India.
4. 1947 Muslims of East Punjab had to leave their homes.
5. My grand father settled in Hyderabad, Sindh in Pakistan in 1947.
6. My father made his home in Latifabad, Hyderabad in 1963.
7. I was born in 1969 in the same home and I still live here.
8. My language is Urdu as Urdu was the language of the areas of East Punjab in the vicinity of Delhi.
9. I love Sindh as my new homeland but I long for visiting India.
10. I have learnt Sindhi and wish my children speak it fluently.
11. Simplicity and humility are the qualities to be adopted, I have learnt this lesson from the examples of my elders.
12. Books have been our first friends and I want this friendship to continue in coming generations.
13. Never be impressed by worldly possessions is the message we get from our elders.
14. I want to leave my imprints in the form of students, books and institution.

River Indus: Dry and docile

In its final leg of journey towards Arabian Sea river Indus flows near Latifabad, Hyderabad. The bed of river is dry. Strong winds blow the sand towards the city. In summer this sand is very irksome for all of us. No monsoon rains yet so we will have to wait to see river flowing in its full swing.

Lava

It is hot fluid lava rushing inside my veins. It is like a fire that devastates whatever comes in its way. My body is becoming like a volcano and it may erupt any time. I have been keeping the restraint, neglecting the comments of those who happen to be around me. Do they think I do not know what is best for me. Ah...the prisoners of routines, how will they know about the life of an independent person? They want to bring me down so that they can gloat over the defeat of a person who has always despised the corrupt system and its parasites. They have underestimated the power of a person who has nothing to fear, nothing to lose. They cannot withstand the wrath of someone who can see straight in their eyes, peel the layers of hypocrisy over their warped personalities and show them their naked prejudices. I warn all the manipulative, mendacious and mediocre blood suckers who have occupied high posts in society not to fiddle with me because if I erupt they will just perish.

Declaration.

I don't want to do a job in a bank or in any MNC or in any other setup where I become the tool of someone else strategic implementation. I want to live as my own boss and self employed. Doing things that give me inner satisfaction, like writing and teaching. I want to live the way I want. Period.

Absolutely nothing

Increasingly I am becoming wary of absolutes. For me it is beyond the capacity of human beings to know the ultimate truth. The ways of following one's life are so diverse that no one can claim that his/her is the right one. Let's not talk about main religions of the world just look at the way pagans live. From Australian aborigines to African pygmies we will find human race living naturally without following any of the major religion. Who is right and who is wrong? The answer will always vary. No one knows the absolute. "The truth" is elusive. I shudder at the vanity of those who claim to know the truth.
I give my self to the flow of nature and I swim in this flow...............I do not know from where I have come ......I am a flash, a flicker, I am humble, a wanderer, in awe of this brief presence, of this awareness of self, for I know immensity of time will suck me and I will be no more.

It is called Astro Turf

In the evening I went to stadium in the vicinity of my house for jogging (I am not into it..but on and off I have a desire to reduce weight, to feel fluffy and to look cooler;)). Well, there after couple of rounds I took out from my pocket my latest obsession (digital camera) and took the picture of a boy, in the backgroud was newly laid Astro turf. The boy hesitantly asked me " Is this a carpet?". In his voice I found the apprehension that I may snub him. I smiled and took his question as an opportunity to contribute in the knowledge of a young boy who may even not be going to school. I told him it is called Astro turf and I asked him to repeat till he pronounced it correctly. I felt very good that now he knows what it is, correctly. I further told him it is like a carpet but needs lots of water to keep it in right condition. Before leaving I asked his name. His name was Haris. I hope in future Haris will have no apprehensions in asking questions to know about unknown.

Cats in my home

Cats have always been an integral part of our home. Infact sometimes we say that it's the cat's house in which we are living. They come and go inside our house with free will. The store room is the maternity home for all the cats of neighberhood. There has never been a time when our home has no cats. Cats of all shapes and colours have been the residents. One of the cats has the habit of pushing down the trash bin of the kitchen with its paws on regular basis in search of some edible. My mother is truly annoyed by the cats but has accepted them as unavoidable nuisance.
Today I took this picture of one of the cats of our home. She is taking rest under the champa tree in the hot afternoon.

First picture on my blog: Cloudy Evening

This is the first picture I have uploaded on my blog. The picture is taken by my recently bought digital camera. (I did'nt know how to fix the date...see the wrong date). The picture is taken from the lawn of my home.

God bless them.

Last 15 days had been very busy. My sister was getting married. It had been a long ordeal for her. She got divorced in 1998 after 4 years of dismal married life. Some of the relatives looked at her in such a way as if she had no future. In their opinion there is no future of a woman without marriage. My father passed away in 2004 and even at his funeral people commented " Oh what an unfortunate girl she is..that her father passed away with the desire of seeing her married." Then in January this year a proposal came from one of our acquaintances. Her brother's wife died leaving 3 children. Two girls of 7 and 9 years old and a boy hardly 6 months old. Apparently such a proposal was not very attractive but the decisive factor was the person himself. His age was just few years more than the age of my sister. Lively, decent, responsible and family oriented were his qualities. I talked to my sister, asked her to see him and meet ( at our home) and then decide. She gave her consent and finally on June 2 they got married. Last night they came and the girls were calling my sister Mama, they were glowing and my sister was happy too. God bless them.

Making of a Player

Many years ago he said to his love,

"I love you with free will
and you know that I love you
don't tie me with the chain of my love to you
I abhor to be slaved
don't punish me for telling you that I love you
lest I become a manipulator
a player
who will never love, just pretend to fall in love
infact to make other fall in love
and then treat them the way you are treating me
tell me.........has your love been trampled?
is it a vicious circle?.....break this circle
embrace my love."

--------------------
"He is a player now."

Done away with....

I have done away with all the musts
I fly high, see the crumbling shackles
My restive heart longing for the desert night
I look for abode far away in the mountain's height
I am one of you O shimmering stars
we don't need words to talk for hours
O rain! come, greet me, I am free
touch my soul, hail the victory.

Fear.

I want to visit Gorakh Hills since the time I came to know that it is the highest peak in Sindh. The problem is that it lies in the hinterland of Dadu district which is notorious due to the presence of dacoits. Although I have travelled many times in that area but I never ventured deep inside the hills off the main Indus High way. I know local people there , I have talked to them and they are willing to provide me escort to Gorakh Hills, but a certain unknown fear occupies my heart, and I don't like that I am afraid. I am afraid of what? Is it about dacoits? Those dacoits who may or may not be present.
I know that one has to take risks to explore the unknown. Sometimes I think the dacoit fear is just an excuse to keep delaying the reply to the call of wilderness, to keep supressing the desire of the heart because now the heart is testing the resolve of the lover of nature. Fears are within not outside. The real dacoit is the fear that is robbing me of my dreams, I will not let it do that.

Her plea.

Do not surrender so quickly
let me conquer you
it's just the beginning
let the flicker turn into the flame
let me miss you, let me think of you
let me sigh, let me die, let me come alive
let me burn, let me yearn and let me earn your love
let me have all the feelings
make me complete.

That hurts...

I: You know when I will be old, I will look back at the time spend with you and cherish every moment of it and remember you as someone who touched the strings of my heart subtly and I will be thankful to you for opening yourself to me, for trusting me and for making my life more beautiful.
She: Oh! you will leave me, that hurts.

Among the intellegentsia

Whenever I feel frustrated by the lack of opportunities to indulge in intellectual discussions I take refuge in the cyberspace. I knock the doors of eminent writers, enter their homes, listen to them and savor their words as if they are the drops of honey. I completely lose the sense of time and space while I am in their company. Today I have come to know about some of the great literary minds and now I look forward to reading their books. I am give credit to Chandrahas Choudhury for becoming my guide to the literary world of cyberspace. His blog The Middle Stage is one of the finest blogs on literature. Today I met Nepalese writer Samrat Upadhyay. He has written short stories as well as a novel. I am fond of reading novels so I will be ordering his novel The Guru of Love from Liberty Books. (In Hyderabad I hardly find latest books in English literature so I have to rely on my visits to Karachi or on online shopping.) Next in the line was William Trevor. The rendezvous took place at BBC website. He was a sculptor but then fell for his love for words. If you do what you are passionate about you are bound to excel. I have not yet decided which of Trevor's book I will read. Apart from these two writers I read about other writers and their books. During the reading I kept picking up new words for building the vocabulary. Oh!! I love words as they are the pebbles I play with and and I want lots of them. Before I finish I want to mention about another writer whose books are among the top of my list for future reading. Eduardo Galeano is the writer from Uruguay. I like to know about history, culture and politics of land in fiction and it seems Galeano has produced some work that is exactly what I want to read.

Your cloudless blue sky.

Right now the sky here is clear blue and absolutely cloudless. When I look at the sky I try to detremine its mood. When its cloudy I infer the mood is jubiliant. (This is Sindh). When there is thunderstorm the sky is enraged. When there is duststorm sky is irritated and when there is no air and every thing is still the sky is gloomy. (This rarley happens here as Hyderabad's nights are famous for cool air and its days are almost always windy).
What does cloudless clear blue sky represent? It represents the real character of sky......calm, thoughtful, profound, sober, patient and aloof. No matter what seasons come and go, eventually sky remains what it is. Beyond the thick layers of clouds or sheet of dust sky is blue and ofcourse cloudless. We experience this when we fly above, all is blue.
I am using all this as a metaphor to bring a point into notice. Everyone should know and remain in touch with his or her real character, real self. No matter what is the mood it will pass. No matter how we feel at that time that emotion will be over. Inside you there is a clear blue sky that is unaffected by the swings of moods. That clear blue sky is real you. The depression or bad moods you experience are like sandstorm or clouds over the sky. As the sky remains unaffected no matter what goes beneth it same is the case with your real self it will be not affected by temporary swings of moods. Know and keep in touch with the cloudless blue sky inside you. (This post is inspired by Deepak Chopra's book Uncoditional Life)

Nakata and Zorba

Last week I finsihed reading the novel "Kafka on the Shore" by Haruki Murakami and what an absorbing experience that was. Nakata, one of the characters of the novel, reminded me of Zorba, a character of Kazantzakis' novel "Zorba the Greek". Despite having entirely different upbringing and background both share an uncanny similarity in character. What is that similarity? I call it their natural way of living. By natural way of living I mean absorbing oneself to nature to become part of nature and feel at ease with nature. Plants, air, rain, sunshine are all natural phenomenon so are the human beings. Both Nakata and Zorba acted naturally. Having no burden of the past, living in the present, giving fully to the task at hand, having a sound sleep when tired, replenishing the energies with food and enjoying every single bit of it when hungry are their natural ways of living.What was the result of living such a life......they were happy. Living a life naturally seems easy but only few actually live life naturally.

Hawaiian Queen' s Message to Americans

The islands of Hawaii in the mid of Pacific Ocean are now 50th state of the US. Since childhood I was fascinated by these remote Islands of Pacific Ocean. The mainland USA is 2300 miles away in the east. Hawaii was an independent state till 1890. In 1893 Queen Lili'uokalani was dethroned by Americans. She sent the following message to the American people. The message contains pain and a sense of betrayal. I post the message so that we remember the sad story of the annexation of Hawaii by US whenever we see fun filled pictures of Hawaii.

" Do not covet the little vineyards of Naboth so far from your shores, lest the punishment of Ahab fall upon you, if not in your day, in that of your children, for ' be not decieved, God is not mocked.' The people to whom your fathers told of the living God, and taught them to call 'Father,' and whom the sons now seek to despoil and destroy, are crying to Him in their time of trouble; and He will keep his promise, and will listen to the voices of His Hawaiian children lamenting for their homes."

Such a pain, such a grief.

Idealism vs Realism

She and I were sitting on the bench in the evening in the campus garden. She was wearing light green lawn suit. Yes summer has arrived here. The gentle breeze of river Indus touching her hair. She looked so fresh. I was seated beside her on the bench. Few of her books were placed between us. After greeting one another through eyes she spoke.
She: Now you tell me why are you so much against being idealist?
I: It’s because Idealist ignores reality and search for something that does not exist. I am against idealism because it forgets to see the beauty in reality.
She: Beauty? Where is the beauty? It’s an ugly world…so much of hatred, killings, war …all the misfortunes…. it is the idealism that leads us towards correcting all the wrongs.
I: Idealists try to find something that does not exist, something that cannot exist…idealists dream for a world that is impossible to built because by default we human beings have been fighting each other since the start of history and we will continue to do so ever. For me the ideal world is the existing world…the present is ideal because out of infinite possibilities this present has emerged. The world could have been anything…but no …the actions of nature and billion of other factors have contributed to the emergence of this present world.powerful forces have shaped it.this is ideal,,,see you are ideal…because nature has selected you to come into existence....the selection of nature is ideal..now you may want your height different or you may not be satisfied with any of your feature but for me whatever exists is ideal….is perfect.The color of your eyes is the color no one has…to have exactly the same color …no not possible
She: now does it mean nothing needs to be improved…..we just let ourselves resigned to what ever comes our way in the life……no ..I want to build my own world…make this world better. and I damn care if I possess the unique color of eyes or not. …it doesn’t matter to me ..what matters is what have I contributed to making this world a better place…..a place where every person has the opportunity to reach self actulization..to be in the ideal state of his or her being……….I cannot agree to your viewpoint.
I: we are constantly in a flux..everything is changing..the thoughts flowing in your mind are having an impact on all the surroundings…..right here..in the city beside river Indus……our talk will have an impact on tomorrow, something will be changed….may be for better ….but still there will be idealists always running for better………exhausting themselves in the persuit of perfection...and missing the momemts that are no less ideal…..like this evening……under the clear blue sky..amidst…roses…., take a deep breath and you will inhale all the freshness…..as I am doing……….and the air I breath comes after touching roses, river and you..and makes my soul dance..this is ideal for me..my eyes are attuned to beauty……
She: hey…..you call me idealist……infact you are idealist……..only looking at what you want to look at……..but that’s a very unrealistic and limited way of looking at things.
I: yeah you may call me an ideal realist.
She: or a real idealist..
I: well I just want to see your pursuing dreams while appreciating what is best around you
She: I know that…………looking at me
I: (smiling) your eyes………really ideal
We laughed and departed. :

It is love, Idiot.

Why do you want her to tell you in inverted comas that she loves you. Why do you want her to bare her emotions? Why do you want her to admit explicitly her falling in love? Is this not enough for you to see that her eyes shine when she sees you? Is this not enough that her voice trembles while speaking to you? Is this not enough that she is happy in your company and sad when she is away? Do you know you are showing that you are not confident that anyone could love you? Girls go indirectly in expressing their love, their admiration and their liking especially at the initial stage of the love. When the drop of rain falls one does not look up to confirm for clouds. It is love, Idiot.

Why are they called Indians?

Why are natives of America called Indians? She asked me. I asked her in return, "You tell me why are they called Indians? What do you think? She replied " I think,may be because they......I dont know that's why I am asking you." I smiled and told her...ok...Now listen..
In 1453 Ottoman Turks captured Constantinople (modern day Istanbul) from the Byzantines. The capture of Constantinople blocked the land rout between Europe and India and Eurpoeans started thinking seriously to find the sea route to India so that they did not have to deal with hostile Turks.
Christopher Columbus was convinced that by sailing towards west the route to India could be found. Convinced by this theory King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain sponsored the voyage of Columbus to discover the sea rout to India. In 1492 Columbus sailed out for India from Spain in the western direction. After a journey of 29 days he found an Island and thought he had discovered India. The people there were called Indians by Columbus and since then the name has been stuck on the indigenous people of Americas.
She was delighted to hear this..why don't you write it down? she asked.
"Fine, I will write a post about it on my blog." I answered.

Life

The experience of living ,just living,need no efforts. When I say no effrots I mean even if we do not put our efforts to live we will continue to live till we encounter death. Live a purposeful life or just drift aimlessly you will end in a naught. In the long run who cares what happened to the lives of billions who are living today. Do we care what happened to billions of unnamed, unrecognized homo sapiens who persihed before us. In the long run everyone's life has no meaning. We are myopic creatures who think ourselves as the centre of the universe. Laughable Predisposition.
Lte's look at the life of an ant. The tiny ant may be thinking that it is making the life of fellow ants better through its efforts. That ant has just been crushed under the foot of a teenage boy while he was runnig just for running. Has anyone noticed........? "The Ant" is gone. We are no more important than these tiny ants in the larger scheme of the universe. Shooooooooooooooooo,and we are finished. The stars keep moving. Not a moment for them to mourn for us, they even dont know about us, how would they care, sum is zero.....result is nothingness. Life is a meaningless experiment of mind of a creature on the tiny ball call earth that is travelling towards emptiness. Life is a joke.....take it lightly!!!!

Two nights.....60 years apart

Last night I felt immense peace and calm as if everything was in harmony. While lying on my bed my thoughts took me away in the past and I imagined the night of September 1947 when my father, at that time 23 year old, was crossing into Pakistan from India at the time of partition in the train that was attacked many a times during its travel from Delhi. At that time what mattererd most was the survival. The passing of each moment safely was an achievement. The covering of each yard of the distance from Pakistan was a feat. It was the night of doubts, anxiety, fear and apprehension. Time passed......a night in 2006....his son now a grown up man, felt peace and calm around him.....and missed his father who passed away couple of years ago....and thought about his struggle and his love at the same time and said to him in simple words " I owe to you this night of peace and calm."

Choice!!

She (through sms)= Thanks 4 luving me.
Me(reply)=It's my choice.

teray janay kay baad.../after your departure

kuchh dair tahar jatay..
yun na chalay jatay..
hum bhi sanbhal jatay..
jo tum ruk jaatay...

yun na dhoop parti
yun na piyas barhti
yun na aansoo bahtay
yun na paaun jaltay

waqt nay sikha diya hai
ab jhooti hansi hansna
jo saibaan nahin hai
khud sar pay haath rakhna

yeh safar-e-zindagi hai
manzar badal raha hai
hum bhi badal gai hain
har shakhs badal raha hai

---------------------

had you stayed more
had you not gone like this
we would have prevailed
If you had stayed..

there would have been no such scorching sun rays
no such increasing thirst
no such flooding of tears
no such burning of feet

now we have learnt
how to pretend to be happy
if there is no shelter
how to cover head with our hands

this is the journey of life
every scene is changing
we have also changed
as every person is changing

The dream journey!!

The moonless sky glittering with stars, I and you crossing the desert in land cruiser, full blown music, you wearing blue jeans and white T shirt, your hair all over your shoulders, your eyes sleepy and I looking into them time to time ...and then we stopping and camping in the open sky....in the morning we will resume our journey towards east. You know I love to see that old fort of Jaisalmer so you accompanying me to my dream journey. O Karachi girl!!! I love you.

My love for Spanish

Hola!!!
In the beginning let me make it very clear that " I don't know Spanish" but this is also true that I want to learn Spanish. Why Spanish? The love for Spanish or to be exact for Spain started during my school days when I read the poetry of Allama Iqbal glorifying the Moorish rule of Spain. The name of the cities Gharnata (Granada) and Qartba (Cordova) represented splendor and grandeur. During the same time Pakistan Television telecasted a serial " Shaheen" based on the novel of Nasim Hijazi. The story was based on the downfall of last Moorish ruler of Spain. The names of Badr bin Mugheera and Rabeea, the hero and heroine of the novel, still resonate my ears.
My first attempt to learn Spanish was during these same school days. I bought a small book Spanish Urdu Bol Chal, sort of a Spanish phrase book with no grammar, not of any use. Time kept passing and I kept building my knowledge about Spain and its history. The life of Abdur Rehman (Ad Dakhil) is one of the great stories of history that tells us how an uprooted prince of Damascus (Umayyad Dynasty) re-established the rule of Umayyad in Spain. I also learnt about Hasham the most pious ruler of Umayyad in Spain. The friendship between Abbasid Caliph Haroon Rasheed and Spanish ruler Charlemagne is also an interesting chapter of Spanish history.
As far as learning language was concern I had little success. In 1999 through Internet I started learning Spanish again. It was an interesting start. I joined Spanish language channels in MIRC (Bolivia, Mexico, Peru, Chile etc). On these channels I used to write hi and the answer I got was hola...so I learnt hola means hello. This was the beginning. Next I got was " de donde eres". I absolutely had no idea what it was. So opened the web site alt vista and used it translation facility by writing the sentence in the window and clicking translate " Spanish to English"...what I got was " from where you are"...so it means de donde eres. I wanted to ask if the chatter is male or female so I wrote m/f?? the answer came m. I thought the chatter was male but in fact it was female because I later discovered mujer is female and hombre is male. So in Spanish it is m/h? to ask for gender. Through these chatting sessions I learnt more words and sentences. Eprendiendo espanol...I am learning Spanish. Muchu Gusto...(Nice to meet you) Igualmente (same here) and blah blah blah. I also made friendship with a girl from Bolivia and I tried to write in Spanish by taking help from alta vista web site. My adventure in learning Spanish was limited on net and no one to speak to me so it didn't go much longer. Now here I know little bit of Spanish but of course I cannot claim that I know Spanish. I haven't given it up. I will one day learn Spanish and read Spanish literature without translation. The books of García Márquez will be among the first ones. Adios.

Orion Belt....my friend in the winter sky

Its night here and everything is quiet, what I can hear is only the sound of my typing keys and this sound is music to my ears because I know each strike on the key brings my ideas on the blog and I love it. I just saw Orion Belt on the vast expanse of western horizon....as the summer is approaching it will disappear and only show itself again when winter comes...it will now be visible in the nights of southern hemisphere. I remember it was 1989 when I started developing interest in astronomy or to be specific in watching different constellations of the sky. During these nights of sky watching I made frienship with Orion Belt. Whenever something important happens in my life I look upward and say "hey Orion you see I have got this, Orion see......I am here in Thar, Orion you look so beautiful in the sky over the arid mountains off super highway ( between Hyderabad and Karachi...I must have travelled thousands times on this route). All my conversations with Orion could only take place during winter nights and when it is not here I wait for it to reappear. Tonight I have seen it on the western horizon ...soon it will be set and...as summer is approaching it will say good bye to the dwellers of northern hemisphere. O Orion!!I will miss you and I wont say come soon...as I know you will come in your time. Have a nice stay in the south. Do tell me about lake titicaca and andes and kangaroos when you reappear. BBye

Ride to unknown

In the evening I took out my bike and picked up Z and said to him, "Let's go." He asked where???...dont ask just come with me..as at that time I had no idea myself where to go..I just wanted to get out to some place where I was away from the mess of the city .....he like always was ready for another ride to unknown......I decided to go straight towards airport road.....(yes, there is an airport in Hyderabad, closed for so long now) and up we went on the rise that is called Ganju Tikkar ( the bald mountain) towards CATI ( Civil Aviation Training Institute) on the left was Sindh Regimental Centre (HQ for Pak Army's Sindh Regiment) the road was narrow but in good condition and the surrounded by arid land. We kept moving straight till we passed Kohsar Housing Scheme and found the splendid scene down there where green lush fields were present and the sun was about to set, just across the fields we could see the glittering water of River Indus. I thought to go down near the fields and watch the sun set. We went down a steep decline towards the fields. There we found a young guy of listening to Sindhi music on the radio. We went to him and he told us his name was Ali Hassan Chuttu. I practiced my Sindhi after long time. I have always felt that I speak better Sindhi whenever I am talking to a peasant than to any one of my Sindhi friends here in the city. It may be because I become conscious or feel being judged..... whatever but at that time it was a smooth talking in Sindhi. He told me about the expanding city that was threatening to gulp his small village. He knew it was inevitable as the lush green field was already purchased by the builders for another housing scheme. I felt bad but he told me that water scarcity was another cause of the selling of lands to builder. Another village would be extinct soon. Sun was about to set. We said good bye to Ali Hassan Chuttu as we watched sunset beyond the green fields.

Its suffocating out there

Dust, smoke........on the roads....rickshaws emitting whirls of poisonous smoke and the dust from the ruined roads mixing with them and I am out there...feeling suffocated...my eyes redening and my heart pounding ..... the invisible pillow of fume smothering me, is there anyone who could take off the pillow......but every one is rushing, rushing in or rushing out?.....I don't know but I have to rush back to my home to breath deeply in the air that gives life.......the downtown is a gas chamber .....where poison is poured into the blood and thoughts of the people ......they fight with each other, they lose temper, its mayhem...its hell..yet they don't know what they need....they need fresh air, flowers, blue sky, shining sun......to get back their smiles, to make them generous and accomodating. Fresh air you envelop me.......I cannot live without you.

Keep the momentum going.

Now when you have over come the inertia and started doing the jobs which were pending for so long do not let procrastination creep in again. Keep finishing the tasks and if negetive thoughts come just do not heed them. Just keep the momentum going.

Saramago's Cave, I got it.

Hey....I got Jose Saramago's The Cave, I am so happy. I didn't go to Karachi I placed the order online and here it is. Now I have done what I said to you I would do. Happy!!!

Let the fun remain !

Don't be too good to me lest I be good to you then all the fun is gone.

Respect for freedom of speach, yes....submission NO

The editor of JP has written lately why he published cartoons. I quote
"Has Jyllands-Posten insulted and disrespected Islam? It certainly didn't intend to. But what does respect mean? When I visit a mosque, I show my respect by taking off my shoes. I follow the customs, just as I do in a church, synagogue or other holy place. But if a believer demands that I, as a nonbeliever, observe his taboos in the public domain, he is not asking for my respect, but for my submission. And that is incompatible with a secular democracy."

Here I reply
" Have muslims insulted and disrespected freedom of speach? They certainly didn't intend to. But what does respect mean? When I read newspapers I show my respect to freedom of speach by showing tolerance towards the criticism of many muslims, governments of Islamic countries and practices within Islamic countries . But if a proponent of freedom of speech demands that I, as a believer of Islamic faith, follow his standards for freedom of speech even if he insults and derogates the very person who embodies Islam then he is not asking for my respect, but for my submission. And that is incompatible with my Islamic faith."

Diary 1994

Quotations and facts........from the diary of 1994

"I am always ready to learn but I do not always like being taught" ( Churchill)

I feel rather low and don't have the energy.
Bang
A
Nasty
Job
Off

Real exile begins when you no longer pine for home, when it has been lost forever, buried in the recesses of the psyche, and the only home you have is memory.
( Susha Guppy from her book A girl in Paris)

Because humor involves ambiguity and newness, and because the mechanical thinker avoids ambiguity, he misses a great deal of the charming absurdity in the world around him. ( Brain Power)

When a custom, belief, value, or practice is defended and worshipped for its own sake instead of for the definite benefits it offers, it has become Crap-with a capital C. ( Brain Power)

Intimacy is often frightening because itinvolves risk. In an intimate relationship people are vulnerable and many times it seems easier to pass time or to play games than to risk feelings either of affection or rejection. Winners risk genuine intimacy.

If there is no wind, row.

No body is 100%.
To a snale a turtle is fast.
Sidewalks don't always go where you want to go.

Italian merchant Fra Luca Pacioli is the Father of modern accounting.

It's not the name that we are called, but the name that we answer to is important.

A nova, blazing out of deep space is remarkable, but, except by astronomers, unremarked.

A person who isn't busy living is busy dying.

The spark of genius travel a non linear path.

Ok , Ok I will do what you say

No, no, no .....I won't delay anymore what I wanna do with my life. Yes I have done always what you,my heart ,say but what can i do you keep saying do this do that ,now u must start this ,...when r u gonna do that..waghera waghera ok..ok...ok..I will start doing what you want..but first lemme write what u want ...u want me
1. to start photographing ( hey...I need to buy digital camera...not that much money in hand right now....ok,...I will have it..Khush..soon, kaha na)
2. to start learning persian..( yeah, its important...if I don't learn Persian this will be bad..I should...)
3. to start walking daily...( Oh yeah I am gaining weight..and I don't like it..I like to look cool, and yeah when I walk I feel fit and egile and energetic so..yes I will start now tonight ....ok.?)
4. to start reading a new book...find a new author....like Milan Kundera or Kazantzakis..yes I am doing it..and I have found ...what was his name ...he was from Portugal yes...lemme see in google...Jose Saramago..yes..now when I will go to Karachi...I will buy his book from liberty ..ok? theek hai na?)
5. to buy new shirts ( fine..next visit to Karachi, from dolman books as well as shirts ....ok?)
6. to visist Gorakh hills.....( now this is hard...u know I have not been in touch with the free wandering part of my soul so..and I am bit hesitatnt......I know I should not fear anything...there is no law and order problem etc but.........ok.ok......ok..ok.I will visit in June will it be fine?)
7. to start learning Spanish.........(yes...it has been my dream and I have learnt a bit as well...ok I will..start it soon for Bolivia, lake Titicaca then......Incas, Andes I love you all. You are right my heart)

it's enough for tonight as you would continue to ask for more.............
Oh I haven't forgot novel, history articles, writing on.................so many topics I will do , I will write ok......now just smile because... I love you.

Raheela Gul: Daring Woman of Pakistan.

I had never met Raheela or seen her picture when I came to know from Yunus Thakur about a girl who was doing a travel document on Thar desert for Geo TV. I was excited. Thar desert carries a magnetic appeal for me. I always wanted to make a documentary on Thar desert especially on Nagar Parkar and Karonjhar mountain. Thakur told me about the documentary because he knew about my passion for Thar. He was a member of the team of Raheela for the Thar expedition. I was genuinely interested to know about the girl who was capturing the eastern desert of Pakistan. Thakur was all praise for her...he told me that she was a real professional . I told him ....hey I wanna meet her because I wanted to see the adventure lady who aspired to travel to the places which had always fascinated me. Time kept passing and then in the morning of October 8' 2005 news started coming in from Islamabad that a major earth quake had struck Pakistan. All the T.V channels in Pakistan were showing the scenes of a collapsed building of Margalla Towers. Little did I know at that time that beneath the wreckage lied daring woman of Pakistan Raheela Gul. The person whom I wanted to meet. I was shocked when news came in that the body of Raheela Gul was found in the rubble. I searched for information about her on net and found that she was in Islamabad for the arrangements for her upcoming adventure tour of Amazon, South America. She was staying in Margalla Towers and was about to leave for Lahore when that fateful moment came that took away multitudes of precious lives. Geo TV is now telecasting Raheela's adventurous trip entitled Tharparkar say Rohi tak.Raheela!! I never met you but I know we would have been friends.

Thar Express, Tears of Joy

Thar express completed its first journey and reached India after the hiatus of four decades. There were tears of joy in the eyes of pessengers. I look forward to travelling towards India via Thar Express. O!!! desert, I hear your call.

Thar Express

Just after 3 hours Thar Express is leaving Karachi Cantt: Station on its journey towards Jodhpur, Rajasthan, India. The demand of the people of Sindh especially those having family links in India has finally been fulfilled. The Khokhrapar route as it is commonly known here in Sindh was not in operation since 1965 Indo-Pak war. I belong to the generation whose parents had migrated from India and settled down in Sindh, Pakistan in 1947. Most of the migrated families now living in Sindh had come through Khokhrapar route to Pakistan. The closure of Khokhrapar route has caused unnecessary difficulties for the passengers from Sindh as they have to go through Wagah border near Lahore in Punjab to reach India. While on a visit to Nagar Parkar in Thar I met a family whose relatives lived across the border...just few miles away and to attend a wedding ceremony they had to travel via Lahore and Delhi to reach the other side of border. It was ridiculous...!!The desert train linking Sindh with Rajasthan will open new contacts.Th Pakistani Punjab has already many routes linking it to Indian Punjab. The beneficiaries of the links between Indian and Pakistani Punjab are mostly the Sikhs ( from relegious point of view) but the opening of the route between Sindh and Rajasthan will provide opportunities to Hindus to visit their holy places spread all over Sindh and Balochistan.There is however the need for the opening up of Indian High Commission in Karachi so that the visa is issued from Karachi and prospective visitors to India do not have to go to Islamabad for Indian visa.

13371st day of my life

Today is 13371st day of my life. When I look back I found that only few days have been in my memory with their specifics. Rest of the days I dont know how did I pass them. For example I don't remember what happened ....ummm lets say on May 5' 1983. It may be because I have never kept a diary on regular basis but the point is not that if I remember what happened on a specific day the point is did I intentionally try to make my days of life memorable, useful, eventful and productive. 13370 days came and went away. Ofcourse whatever I am this is due to these passing days but I have a feeling that the realiziation how useful and miraculous each day is comes lately.I do remember May 5' 1983 came in my life when I was studying in Public School Hyderabad, Sindh in 9th Class. I think those were the days when my final exams were going on. I appeared in the exams at the centre in Unit 10, Latifabad in a school named Noor -e- Islam high school. Oh those were the days. I remember my father used to drop me for the exam in the morning. Now here I have certainly the idea what I was doing during those days but I don't remember what I did on May 5' 1983. Now is it important to remember each day with its specific? No, its not important but it is important to remember that each day is important. What I mean is that we should give respect to each moment and each day of life because few seconds, few minutes or few days in the life bring changes that have long lasting impact. Whatever I have done on May 5 '1983 has a direct impact what I am today and it goes true for every day of my life. If we realize that each day is a miracle then we will cherish its presence and get the best out of it. So this moment here as I am writing has a direct influence what I will be in the coming days.

Lamha/Moment

mujhay woh lamha day do jo sirf mera ho
aur phir meri umar ghat kay woh lamha ban jai
ya phir woh lamha barh kay amar ho jai
mujhay woh lamha day do jo sirf mera ho

Give me the moment that is exclusivly mine
and then my life is reduced to become that momen
tor that moment exapnds to become eternal
give me the moment that is exclusivly mine

Speak Up!!

Silence overwhelms me, whenever you are quiet
I feel myself frozen in the ice block that is not melting
I feel suffocated, wilted, tormented, dejected, and dispirited your speaking with quietness kills meSpeak, talk, fight, blame, complain, cry but don't be quiet
I know if you talk I will take care of everything
I will reach the heart of matter and resolve the problems
I like to listen and make connections
I want to reach and hold hands
I want to hear you and then the world will smile
the ice will melt and I will breath freely
Speak up...

Blasphemous Cartoons

I spent most of the time during two-day Muharram holiday (9th and 10th) surfing the net especially the blogs. In the form of blogs I have found a treasure. I went through many blogs but enjoyed Uncut India very much. The recent posts on the blog are on the writer’s ongoing trip of Pakistan with Indian Cricket team. I enjoyed the postings on Peshawar and Karachi very much.At the same time I want to write on different topics. To beging with here I post my thoughts on the cartoon controversy. I have read several articles on net about it. I felt that the western media should have condemned the blasphemous cartoons but they didn't. The obvious reason for not doing so is the wide gulf that exists between the western and Islamic world in understanding the place of religion in each other's society. The church and its domination during the middle ages led to the rovolt against it and gave birth to enlightenment and therefore the media in west see religion as against the progress and development. The Church had played the role of a bigot against new thinking and science. On the contrary Islam has been instrumental in unlocking the human potential and challenging the status quo. Therefore the attitude towards religion is totally poles apart in these two worlds. Religion plays central role in the Islamic societies whereas it plays a very limited role in the western societies.Although the Muslim world needs renaissance but the initiative should come from within. In my opinion even Voltaire would not approve of what has been published in the Danish newspaper in the name of freedom of expression. It was sheer nonsense. Muslims have a chance to show they are mature enough to deal with such blatant provocations without being carried away. The debate is going on and campaign against the cartoons is on a rise. I am following the developments keenly. Lets see where they will lead.

Its Getting Chaotic!!

Its getting chaotic!!!
The world is chaotic. Noises, shouts, cries, loud music (or cacophony) invading the tranquility of my space. I cannot do much to protect my little quiet island. I am clinging to the slipping rope of serenity but it seems my grip on it is losing.Its like hanging on a cliff. Beneath the cliff lies the abyss of chaos. I am struggling to hold the rope as it is my only hope to get back to the plateau of composure.What have brought me to the state of mess? External noises or internal noises? External noises are feable compared to the thunderbolts I hear inside. The internal noise pollution is not letting me to concentrate. I feel myself being pulled by strings in all direction. Nothing is happening and time is passing. Focus is lost and life is moving in a whirlpool. I know what I need to do. I know how to get out of it. It is the inertia that needs to be overcome. It is endless thinking without action that is overwhelming my power. I need to listen to myself. My voice is somewhat lost in the din. I am going to find it. I know I have to listen to it. Through getting rid of all noises and bringing the silence back in my inner world I will be able to pull myself back to normalcy. Slowly and slowly,inch by inch, moment by moment I need to shut up all the distracting noises. Once I am all alone with myself and I listen to my inner voice it tells me what to do. As I am writing this I have already statred listening to my voice. Writing helps in focusing and focus helps in achieving the goals. I am on my way.........................